Rissa

Protege Moi (Finished)

2008-11-14T18:55:27Z

Title: Protege Moi, Protege Moi (Four)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: NC-17!
Pairing: Brendon/OMC, Jon/Spencer (For now.)
POV: Third
Summary: Brendon never really tried to hide what was going on, it just naturally didn't come up. Of course abuse is easy to not notice when no one is looking. But when someone finally does start to look, and Brendon decides enough is enough, a new problem arises. Protecting him from not only his abuser, but from himself to. Can Ryan help Brendon stay mentally sane and physically safe, or will they both die trying?
Disclaimer: Very, very, very not true.
Author Notes: Highly graphic and twisted! Please don't crucify me for this! ConCrit welcome and appreciated! Title Credit to Placebo: Protege Moi. (I highly recommend it, fantastic song!) Thank you to everyone who read and replied. As promised, more for you. I hope you enjoy it!

One. (I'm The Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.)

Two. (In This Land of Make Believe, Dead and Dry)

Three.(Bound to your side, I’m trapped in silence.)

Chapter Four
“I’m sorry.” Brendon said when he got there not looking up at anyone. Ryan jumped up and flung his arms around Brendon. He held him tightly for a moment then pulled away and hit Brendons arm gently.
“You’re a jerk!” Ryan pouted.
“Ryan, keep your hands to yourself.” Ms. Linden said. Everyone ignored her.
“I’m sorry.” Brendon said again. Ryan hit Brendons arm again and smiled at him.
“Stop saying sorry so much.” Ryan said. Ryan glanced over his shoulder at everyone, and then looked back at Brendon.
“Remember, we all just want to help.” Ryan said and sat down again. Brendon looked over at the officers. One was a short man with black hair and gray eyes and the other was a slightly taller then the man, female officer with blonde hair pulled back into a bun and green eyes. They smiled at him.
“Brendon, these officers are here to hear your claims.” Mr. Evin said. Brendon turned to him quickly.
“You don’t believe me?” He asked. Mr. Evin locked eyes with Brendon.
“Yes, Brendon, I do believe you. But what you’re saying has got to be formally investigated. Now, can we move back to my office and they can question you there, or do you think you’ll feel like running again?” Mr. Evin asked a little teasingly. Brendon looked up at the graying sky.
“As much fun as it would probably be to run in the rain, I guess we can go back to your office… I’m not promising that I’ll be still though!”
“That’s fine Brendon you can pace around my office as much as you want, just… you can’t go running off again okay?” Brendon didn’t answer. Everyone stood up. Mr. Evin and Ms. Linden walked back towards the school, Jon, Spencer, Ryan and Brendon followed them and the officers walked behind them.
The walk back to the office seemed to take forever. Unfortunately it was between periods and as they walked through the halls everyone seemed to stop and look at them. Brendon felt like running again. He felt on display, like everyone could look at him and just see everything. Ryan noticed Brendon’s uneasiness and linked their arms together so they were walking closely.
“I’m sorry I hit you.” Ryan said quietly.
“What?” Brendon said.
“Outside, when I hit your arm… twice. I’m sorry.” Brendon smiled.
“It’s been a long time since some one apologized for hitting me. Thank you.” Ryan smiled too.
Brendon’s insides did a funny flip-flop thing when Ryan smiled. He didn’t know what this feeling was. No ones smile had ever had that affect on him before. He thought… maybe… he liked it.
They were outside of Mr. Evin’s office now. Mr. Evin turned to them.
“Why don’t you three go back to class now?” Brendon threw his arms around Ryan’s neck
“If you make them leave, I won’t say a single word after they’re gone!” Brendon yelled. Ryan rubbed Brendon’s back. Mr. Evin sighed.
“Okay, they don’t have to go.” Brendon detached himself from Ryan’s neck.
“You… You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I don’t know what they’re going to ask and if you don’t want to hear… I get it. Really, I do.” Ryan, Spencer and Jon looked at each other.
“Brendon, we’re not going anywhere.” Ryan answered for them. Everyone went inside the office and sat down. They all looked at Brendon expectantly. Brendon looked at the officers.
“My ex-boyfriend-“ He took a deep breath. “-abused me.” The lady officer took out a note pad.
“What’s your name?” She asked.
“Brendon.”
“Last name too, sweetie.”
“Urie. Brendon Urie.”
“And your boyfriends name?”
“Ex-boyfriend!” She smiled apologetically.
“Your ex-boyfriends name?”
“Michael…” Brendon said slowly, then paused. “You’re going to talk to him aren’t you? He’s going to know what I did. He’s going to know that I told! He’ll kill me!”
“Brendon listen to me. We’ll protect you. He can’t hurt you anymore. His most powerful weapon was your silence, and you’re breaking that now. You’ll be okay. You talking will help you and it could save someone else from going through what ever you did.” The nice blonde lady said. Brendon was quiet for a few minutes.
“Ryley.” He said finally.
“I’m sorry?” She said.
“Ryley. Michael Ryley. It’s his name. Michael Patrick Ryley. Born April third 1987. Mother is Anna Lisa Hensen Ryley. Father is Patrick Steven Ryley. Favorite color is green. Favorite food is teriyaki chicken and lavender rice. Favorite TV show is Jackass. Favorite sweet is brownies. And he has an obsession with blood… mine, anyway.” Brendon said monotonously as he stared at his hands.
“How long did you date him?”
“Too long… One year, nine months, eighteen days.”
“When did the abuse start?”
“October tenth, 2005.”
“How did he abuse you?”
“He would… slap, punch, kick me. Pull my hair. Twist my arms. He pushed me down the stairs a few times. Hit me with things.” Brendon was playing nervously with a piece of thread; it was the only sign of emotion he was showing.
“Anything else?” He stood up and started pacing, his calm, emotionless demeanor vanishing.
“He burned me… cut me. Like I said, he’s obsessed with my blood. He liked to bite and dig his nails into me. And he… he…” Brendon continued to pace.
“He what Brendon?” The officer asked gently. Jon, Spencer and Ryan all threw her a dirty look. Brendon hadn’t used the word ‘raped’ at all today. Every time he even thought it his stomach churned and his tongue felt heavy. He didn’t want to use that word. But he knew it was the right one to use.
“Brendon he what?” She asked again.
“He fucking raped me!” Brendon screamed. He sat down heavily on the floor and hugged his knees to his chest. He rested his forehead on his knees and took deep breaths.
“I wouldn’t do that.” Ryan warned.
“Brendon?” Ms. Linden put her hand on Brendon’s arm. Brendon scrambled away.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” Brendon screamed.
“Told ya.” Ryan said.
“Brendon?” Mr. Evin said. Ryan rolled his eyes.
“It needs to be on his terms.” Jon said.
“He’s not going to talk to any of you.” Ryan said shaking his head. They all looked at him.
“So why don’t you do something about it?” Ms. Linden snapped.
“Fine. I will. Move.” Ryan snapped back. Both teachers moved away. Ryan sat down on the floor in front of Brendon.
“Spencer, what was that song he told us…? Oh! Nevermind. I remember.” Ryan put a hand out on the floor right in front of Brendon but not touching him. He started to hum. After Ryan had hummed the song twice Brendon started to hum too. Brendon moved his foot so he was touching Ryans fingers. Ryan moved forward and wrapped his arms around Brendon.
“It’s okay now. Everything is okay.” Ryan murmured gently. Spencer sat down behind Brendon and wrapped his arms around the two boys. Jon joined the hug moments later. There was a low murmur from the adults but they ignored them. Mr. Evin kneeled next to the boys.
“Brendon, the officers have a few more questions.”
“Can’t I answer from here?” Brendon asked, his voice muffled against Ryan’s chest.
“What?” Mr. Evin asked.
“I think that’s a ‘no’ Brendon.” Ryan said softly. They slowly de-tangled themselves. Brendon sat in the chair next to Ryan again. He kept his eyes on the ground. Ryan held Brendon’s hand, softly running his thumb over the back of it.
“Brendon why didn’t you tell before today?” Brendon looked up at Ryan, Spencer and Jon, tears filled his eyes and he smiled.
“I didn’t have any strength to tell before today.”
“Why do you have the strength to today?” Brendon looked at the nice lady officer.
“Because today I found out that there are people who actually care. Who didn’t run away, or ignore it.” Brendon was looking back at his friends. Lady Officer nodded.
“Brendon, we need to get you to the hospital. Have you examined and all physical evidence documented. Okay?” Brendon was still for a few minutes taking even breaths and processing everything that had happened today. Brendon finally looked up at Lady Officer. His eyes were wide.
“You mean…” Brendon stood up slowly. Ryan’s fingers softly brushed across Brendons palm as their hands slipped apart. Brendon walked towards the door.
“Brendon!” Several people said. Instead of touching the door though, Brendon pressed his forehead to the stretch of empty wall space next to the door. Then he turned and pushed his cheek against the cool wall. He turned to face the room again and leaned back.
“You mean pictures.” He said flatly. “Pictures of- “ He gestured to his body. “-Physical evidence.” Lady Officer nodded and Brendon sighed.
“I never wanted anyone to see… I never wanted anyone to know.” Brendon said softly. He sighed again. “Alright, I’ll go.”
“Spencer, Jon, Ryan I think it’s time for you to part company with Brendon. You’re excused from school for the rest of the day, but I’d like you to collect assignments from all the classes you’ve missed today. I’ll write you notes to show your teachers. Then after you get those and anything you might need from your lockers, I’d like you to come back to my office please.” Mr. Evin quickly wrote three short notes and gave one to each of them. The three boys stood. Brendon was still leaning by the door, looking numb. As Ryan passed Brendon he softly let his fingers trail over his hand. Jon stopped and hugged him gently. Brendon hugged back. Spencer stood in front of Brendon after Jon moved away. He just looked at him until Brendon looked up and made eye contact. Spencer held his eyes silently for a long moment.
“We may not be with you, but we are here for you.” Spencer walked away. He hadn’t laid a hand on Brendon, but he’d touched him.

Ryan opened his locker and switched a few books around between his locker and bag. Suddenly two girls ran up to him.
“Ryan! Ryan, is it true?” Girl #1 asked.
“Is it true?” Girl #2 echoed. Ryan’s eyes got wide and he took a half step back – They kind of scared him.
“Um, is what true?” He asked. The girls looked at each other meaningfully.
“Is it true what everyone is saying?” Girl #1 said.
“What is everyone saying?” Ryan asked curious as to what everyone was saying and why these two thought he would know if it was true.
“Everyone is saying that Brendon Urie was raped.” Girl #2 whispered dramatically. Ryan froze. But only for a moment.
“Where did you hear that?” Ryan asked.
“We heard it from Pam, tall blonde girl on the track team. Pam heard it from Violet, who is also on the track team. Violet heard it from her twin sister Lavender, who heard it from her boyfriend Davie. Davie heard it from his best friend Matt, who’s on the football team. Matt heard it from his little sister Megan, who is a cheerleader. Megan heard it from cheerleader Stacy who heard it from cheerleader Jenny. Cheerleader Jenny heard it from her girlfriend Rebecca, who is in science club with Amy who is best friends with Samantha who was in the courtyard when you screamed what you screamed and she deduced that it was Brendon.” Girl #1 said. Ryan’s eyes were if possible, wider. He took a full step back.
“Holy. Shit.” Ryan said.
“So, is it true?” Girl #1 and 2 prompted at the same time. Spencer and Jon walked up to them.
“Are you ready?” Jon asked.
“Fuck yes! Let’s get out of here!” Ryan slammed his locker shut and spared one more wide-eyed glance at the two girls and then followed Jon and Spencer.
“Is it true?” They yelled after him in unison again. Spencer and Jon stopped and looked back. Ryan grabbed both of their arms and kept walking.
“Be afraid! Be very afraid! Run for your lives!” Ryan whispered to them dramatically. They made their way back to Mr. Evin’s office together. His secretary told them to go right in. Mr. Evin looked up when the door opened. He smiled warily at them and gestured towards the chairs.
“Well, boys, we’ve had one hell of a day, huh?” He asked rhetorically. “First I just want to make sure that you know, if you ever need us, Ms. Linden, myself, all the teachers here… if you ever need to talk or anything, we’re here to help, okay?” They all nodded.
“Second, there really isn’t a procedure for the friends of rape victims. Usually they do all this by them selves. Brendon’s case is extra special though… So, I’ll leave it up to you what you want me to do. I can call your parents, tell them what’s happened, or I could make sure you realize there are people here for you if you need it and then let you go handle it however you need to. It’s up to you.” Ryan shook his head. He could just imagine his mom’s reaction. She would probably cry and ask a million questions and want to send him to therapy like he was in Brendon’s situation instead of Brendon.
“I don’t want my parents to know.” Ryan said finally. Mr. Evin sighed.
“If that’s what you want, Ryan. What about you two?” Jon and Spencer looked at each other.
“Thank you Mr. Evin, but, we’ll take care of ourselves.” Spencer said and Jon nodded. Mr. Evin smiled.
“Alright, boys. You can go home now.” Jon and Spencer stood but Ryan didn’t move. Something had occurred to him.
“What is it, Ryan?” Mr. Evin asked.
“Why didn’t you call Brendons parents?”
“If Brendon wanted his parents here he would have asked for them, but they didn’t need to be here.” Ryan was about to ask why they didn’t need to be there, but instead was interrupted by Spencer.
“Oh, yeah!” He said. “I forgot about that.” Ryan and Jon looked at him questioningly.
“Brendons sixteenth birthday present from his parents was emancipation papers.” Spencer explained.
“Ooh.” Ryan said. He stood to go too.
“Oh, boys one more thing. I want to make sure you guys are going to respect Brendon’s privacy and not tell any of the other students what was said or what happened in here today.”
“Mr. Evin, haven’t you heard what everyone is saying?” Ryan asked facetiously. “So far it’s just a rumor, they don’t know if it’s true or not, but everyone is saying that Brendon Urie was raped.” Ryan glanced at Jon and Spencer. “We’re not gonna say anything though, we care about Brendon.” Mr. Evin nodded and they left.

Spencer linked arms with Ryan as they walked through the parking lot to Jon’s car.
“Soooo…” Spencer said and looked at Ryan expectantly.
“‘Soooo…’, What?” Ryan copied.
“So, you like Brendon. You like him, like him. Like more then a friend like him.” Ryan started to protest, but was cut off.
“And don’t you even deny it, Ryan Ross. I saw you with him, and I’ve been watching you for weeks, I know you do. And you know what?” Spencer said.
“What?” Ryan looked up at Spencer expecting him to tell him off for being an insensitive prick for even thinking about Brendon after what he’d been through. But Spencer was smiling.
“He likes you too.” Spencer stated matter-of-factly. Ryan pushed Spencer away.
“He does not! The guy just spent two years in relationship Hell! Probably the very last thing he wants right now is a boyfriend.” Ryan said. Jon unlocked the car and they got in.
“You are more then likely right. But there is still the fact that you like him and more importantly he likes you. You don’t have to be his boyfriend to be there for him. You don’t have to be his boyfriend to be his everything.” Spencer said and Ryan sighed.
“What makes you think he likes me?” Ryan asked quietly.
“I just know he does. I can tell.” Spencer smiled and Ryan leaned his head against the cold window. The rest of the car ride was quiet. Jon took them to his house. They all sat silently at the kitchen table with their homework spread out in front of them. They weren’t doing it, they were just pretending, so they didn’t have to talk and the silence was bearable. Suddenly Ryan snapped his math book shut.
“How could he do that?” He cried. Spencer and Jon looked at each other.
“I just don’t understand how any one can be like that… and to a person like Brendon. He’s so sweet and harmless. He would never hurt anyone…” Ryan shook his head. “I wonder how he is.”

Just let you know...

2008-09-28T03:32:38Z

Just a quick update for anyone waiting for a new chapter of Protege Moi, I have not forgotten about the story. I promise. I've just been busy dealing with life. :( But I will try to have a new chapter posted tomorrow(Sunday, September 28th).
Sorry for the very long wait(If anyone is even reading it.).
<3
-MK

Protege Moi (Finished)

2008-09-05T00:35:25Z

Title: Protege Moi, Protege Moi (Three)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: NC-17!
Pairing: Brendon/OMC, Jon/Spencer (For now.)
POV: Third
Summary: Brendon never really tried to hide what was going on, it just naturally didn't come up. Of course abuse is easy to not notice when no one is looking. But when some one finally does start to look, and Brendon decides enough is enough, a new problem arises. Protecting him from not only his abuser, but from himself to. Can Ryan help Brendon stay mentally sane and physically safe, or will they both die trying?
Disclaimer: Very, very, very not true.
Author Notes: Highly graphic and twisted! Please don't crucify me for this! ConCrit welcome and appreciated! Title Credit to Placebo: Protege Moi. (I highly recommend it, fantastic song! Thank you to everyone who read and replied. As promised, more for you. I hope you enjoy it!

One. (I'm The Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.)

Two. (In This Land of Make Believe, Dead and Dry)

Chapter Three
Once inside he threw his bags into a corner and sat down next to them. He opened one of the small outside pockets and pulled his cell phone out. He sat and stared at it for a few minutes, catching his breath and thinking about what he was going to say.
Brendon dialed Michael’s number and put the phone to his ear. He was shaking like mad and thought that his heart could break through his ribs at any moment. Michael picked up on the first ring.
“Brendon! Brendon, honey, where are you?”
“Michael-“
“Brendon, it’s okay. I love you, I forgive you for cheating on me.”
“Michael-“
“Please, baby, just tell me where you are and I’ll come get you and we’ll work everything out.”
“Michael Patrick Ryley, listen to me!” Brendon yelled into the phone. His eyes went wide at his own daring, but he wouldn’t let his voice betray him. Michael had gone quiet so Brendon spoke.
“Michael, we are over. I do not love you anymore. I do not want to see you anymore. We’re through, Michael.” Brendon said clearly and forcefully.
“You- You want to just throw away our years together? You don’t even want to try to work this out? You just want to give up on us?”
“Yes, Michael. I do. It’s over.”
“You only think its over, Brendon. I won’t let it end like this. I love you, Brendon. I’ll always love you. And I will have you back. I can’t live without you, remember? And I’ll never let you live without me.” Michael’s voice was slow and calm and deliberate… terrifying.
“I’m hanging up now. I don’t want to speak to or see you ever again.” Brendon pushed the call end button. Brendon sat, shaking, until the sun set.
Brendon pulled the duffel bag into the moonlight that shone through the window. Out of the bag he took a blanket, the bread and peanut butter and a utensil packet. He made a peanut butter sandwich, wrapped himself in the blanket and moon gazed while he ate.
A tear slipped down Brendon’s cheek. He felt so lost. How could he do that to Michael? Michael needed Brendon. Who else would take care of him? And Brendon needed Michael. He was Brendon’s whole world. He gave Brendon a purpose.
Brendon shifted slightly under the blanket and pain shot through him. He gasped quietly. He thought suddenly of the pink water draining from the tub. I can’t stay! I have to get out of here! He remembers.
“No! No! I can’t go back! I won’t! I can’t go back to that.” Brendon whispered to the moon. He took a few deep breaths.
“It’s alright. Calm down, shhh. You’ll be just fine now. You’ll be fine.” Brendon told himself.

The rest of the weekend passed easily. Brendon studied a lot, listened to his iPod (sparingly) and ate cookies. It was the best weekend in years!
Monday came fast. Brendon was ready for it; in fact, he was looking forward to it. He wanted to spend time with his friends without trying to conceal that he was in pain. He wanted to give everyone a hug and not worry about if Michael found out. He wanted to feel… to BE normal.
Monday morning Brendon got up early. He brushed his hair and teeth and made sure he looked okay and was cleaned up. Then, after making sure he had everything needed for the day, he left the portable. He slowly made his way to the school front where people were starting to arrive. Brendon waited until there were a lot of people around and then merged casually with the crowd.
The first part of the day passed quickly and without incident. To Brendon it felt as if he’d blinked and it was over. Before he knew it, it was lunchtime. On his way to the courtyard Brendon realized how much he’d missed lunch with his friends. He’d only gone a week without them, but now he found himself wanting to run to their table! And sit and talk about random shit, just like before. Only it wasn’t going to be like before, now it would be better! Because Brendon wasn’t afraid anymore. He didn’t have to watch what he said to anybody.
Now he was free!
He should have saved some fear though. Should have known it wasn’t all over with just a simple phone call.
Brendon walked into the lunch area and looked over to the usual spot. They were there, all three of them. Brendon walked up behind Ryan signaling to Jon and Spencer not to give him away. Brendon leaned low next to Ryan and said in a low voice right in his ear,
“Guess who!” Ryan screamed and jumped. He threw his arms up and the back of his hand smacked Brendon’s forehead. Spencer and Jon were clutching their stomachs and laughing at them. Brendon laughed and sat down next to Ryan rubbing his forehead.
“Ryan, you hurt my head!” Brendon whined playfully.
“You deserved it! Sneaking up on me like that!” Brendon smiled widely at them.
“So, Brendon. You were kinda… well, avoiding us last week. What was going on?” Jon said. Brendon glanced at Ryan. Hmm, Ryan didn’t tell them about coming to my house. he thought. He looked back at Jon and Spencer and smiled again.
“I had some things that needed to be worked out. I needed to think. Sorry about that though.”
“Oh! Okay. Did everything get worked out?” Spencer asked. Brendon glanced at Ryan again.
“Almost. I think it might take some time for everything to be worked out. But the main thing got taken care of.” Brendon beamed at them.
“Brendon, don’t take this the wrong way but, what the fuck happened to you?” Spencer said.
“Yeah, you’re all like… happy now. And you’re… not nervous and… just different.” Jon added. Brendon smiled sadly.
“I had a good weekend.” He said simply. Ryan was staring at the table in front of him. He had been oddly quiet through the conversation. He suddenly took a deep breath like he was preparing to say something and every one looked at him.
“Brendon, I’m going to ask you a very serious question. Please, don’t lie to me.” Ryan looked up at Brendon. “Does Michael hit you?” Brendon looked down at the table. His eyes were filling with tears and his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. He never thought it would be so hard to say a simple, ‘Yes.’ Brendon looked back to Ryan, meeting his eyes.
“Yes.” He choked out. There was a low growling noise from Jon but Brendon didn’t look away from Ryan.
“Last week… he did that to you?” Brendon nods slightly.
“Yes.” He whispered. Ryan looked down in hesitation. He paused for a moment then looked back up to Brendon again.
“Did… did he…?” Ryan trailed off. Brendon shut his eyes causing tears to cascade down his cheeks. He turned his head away. Brendon nodded his head in answer to Ryan’s unfinished question. Jon stood up quickly, then, with forced calm sat back down. Ryan laid a hand on Brendon’s shoulder gently.
“Am… Am I going to hurt you?” Ryan asked. Brendon blinked his tears away and looked at Ryan with clear eyes.
“No, Ryan.” He said softly. Ryan pulled Brendon to him and hugged him tightly.
“God, Brendon! If you had told us sooner, we could’ve helped sooner. We’ll never let him hurt you again! If he even lays a hand on you, Jon’ll kick his ass!” Ryan said pulling away from Brendon. Brendon wasn’t really ready to let go, it was the first time in a long time he felt safe and loved in some ones arms, but he did. He liked the feeling; he wanted it to last.
“Well, it’s over now. I told him this weekend that we’re over. That I never wanted to see him again.” Brendon said proudly. They all looked surprised.
“Wow! How did he take it?” Spencer asked.
‘You only think it’s over, Brendon. I won’t let it end like this. I love you, Brendon. I’ll always love you. And I will have you back. I can’t live without you, remember? And I’ll never let you live without me.’
“Well! He took it well.” Brendon said. They just looked at him.
“Brendon, stop it! You don’t have to lie to us anymore. We want to help you!” Ryan said. He shook his head and looked away from Brendon. Brendon looked down.
“I’m sorry. It’s just habit to lie… and to never say anything bad about Michael. He… threatened me, when I told him this time.” Brendon shut his eyes. He always did have a problem with knowing when to keep his mouth shut.
“This time?” Jon asked. “Threatened you how? This time?”
“He said that he’d never let me live without him. And the Friday before last I told Michael we were over and last Monday, I showed up looking… Like I looked last Monday.” Brendon explained.
“Brendon, I’ve known you for a long time, why didn’t you ever say anything?” Spencer asked softly. Brendon studied Spencer for a few moments choosing his words.
“We weren’t that close. And, Spencer, you’ve never been-“ Brendon glanced at Jon and looked at Spencer again. “-And you never will be in an abusive relationship. You just… You don’t understand what it does to you. I couldn’t say anything. I just couldn’t.” Spencer nodded.
“When are you going to turn him in?” Ryan asked looking back at Brendon. Brendon’s eyes widened in panic.
“I-I-I… I can’t! I can’t. I can’t do that!” Brendon said.
“Brendon, why not?” Ryan said his voice raising.
“No, no, Ryan. I can’t! I can’t!”
“But he fucking raped you!” Ryan screamed.
“Ryan!” Jon and Spencer hissed at him. But it didn’t matter. The whole courtyard had stopped and everyone was looking at them. Mr. Evin, the principal, happened to be the courtyard monitor today. He hurried over to their table.
“Boys, I need the four of you to come with me please.” The bell rang. It seemed to echo in the still silent yard. People slowly started to move. The boys gathered their things and followed the principal. Mr. Evin stopped to say something to another teacher and Brendon turned to the others. He put a finger to his lips and made eye contact with Jon, Ryan and Spencer in turn. He turned back around and they listened to the end of what Mr. Evin was saying.
“…And after you’ve done that could you please get word to these boys next period teachers that I have excused them. Thank you.” He turned to them.
“Okay, boys. This way.” He said and led them to his office. He opened the door for them to step inside, and then moved a few more chairs into the room. He closed the door and they all sat down, Mr. Evin behind his desk. No one said anything. Then there was a knock on the door.
“Come in.” Mr. Evin said. The door opened and a tall, slim, gentle looking woman came in. Mr. Evin stood and motioned to a chair.
“Ms. Linden, thank you for coming so quickly.” He said. She was the guidance counselor. She sat down and smiled at the boys. Mr. Evin sat again and cleared his throat.
“Boy’s, we’re here to help. But we can’t help if we don’t know there is a problem and if we don’t know what the problem is.” He paused. “So, who’s going to tell me what’s going on?” They all looked in different directions.
“Ryan…” He said. Ryan looked up at him. He was a good looking man, tall and fit. But not bulky. With wavy brown hair and deep blue eyes. Ryan bit his lip and looked away.
“Ryan it was noisy in the lunch yard, can you please repeat what you said so I can be sure I heard correctly?” Ryan looked at his hands.
“Ryan, please.” Mr. Evin said again.
“I said…” Ryan took a breath. “I said, ‘but he fucking raped you.’” Ryan said.
“That’s what I thought you said. Thank you, Ryan. Who raped who?” He asked calmly. Ryan shook his head.
“Jon? Who was raped?” The principal asked. Jon and Spencer shared a long look and then he shook his head too.
“Please! Please, tell them. They just want to help! Tell them, please!” Ryan said desperately not moving his eyes from their spot on the floor. There was a very tense moment then Brendon stood up abruptly. He paced agitatedly.
“Brendon?” Mr. Evin said.
“Fine. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you. What would you like to know? Would you like to know how for the last two years I’ve been violated by my boyfriend in probably more ways then you even know of? Would you like to know how he liked to punch me? How he liked to kick me, pull my hair, push me down? Would you like to know how he would tear my clothes off, even though I was screaming and crying and begging him to stop? Would you like to know how he would tie me up and beat me until I bled? And about how he would dig his nails into my hips when he would fuck me as hard as he possibly could? Would you like to know how he loved to make me scream? And I would. I’d scream and cry and beg and pray for it to stop… would you like to know how, after he would hurt me, he would gently whisper in my ear, ‘I love you, Brendon.’ And he would make me say; ‘I love you, Michael.’ And if I didn’t say it… I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything. What would you like to know?” Everyone was shocked. Ryan had a hand over his mouth and his eyes were filled with tears. Spencer had moved to Jon’s lap somehow. He clung tightly to Jon, his face buried in his neck. He was shaking. Jon held Spencer to him gently, but his expression was anything but gentle. He was bright red and his eyes screamed murder! Ms. Linden was like Ryan, with her hand clapped to her mouth and there were tears running her make up. Mr. Evin was staring wide-eyed at Brendon. Brendon just glared angrily into the room.
Brendon slowly realized what he’d just done. His mouth fell open and tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He brought a hand to his mouth and blinked several times. He took several steps back until he was lightly pressed to the door. Mr. Evin stood up.
“Brendon-“ He began.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Ms. Linden stood up too.
“Brendon it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay. Calm down. Have a seat, its okay. Everything will be okay.” Brendon was shaking his head slowly not looking at anyone.
Suddenly he grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open. He quickly stepped out of the room and shut the door. He ran. He heard them all calling his name calling him back, but he had to go. He had to get out. He felt trapped.
Brendon ran out of the office and down the halls. He ran into several people but didn’t stop or even slow down. He had to get out. Brendon had a vague idea where he was going. He needed air needed space, needed to move.
Brendon ran to the soccer field and started to run laps. As he ran Brendon thought of nothing and everything. He thought about how every breath hurt his still bruised ribs, and about how every step sent jolts through his sore aching body. He thought about all the terrible beatings and all those terrible weekend nights. And he thought about how those times weren’t even the worst of his relationship with Michael. No matter how terrible the beatings or the rape had been, the most terrible of everything were the quiet moments. The moments where Michael would tenderly kiss Brendons cheek or slowly run his fingers through his hair. Those moments always mocked Brendon. Teasing him with the kind of love he wanted, the kind of love he craved. Those moments dangled that love in front of Brendon, just beyond his reach. Those moments mocked him for his hope.
He thought how he never wanted to feel anything that Michael made him feel ever again. But they all want him to. They wanted him to turn Michael in, to relive every horrible experience, to tell them to others. Brendon ran and ran and thought.
Finally he slowed to a walk and then stopped. Brendon sat down in the grass right where he’d stopped and put his face in his hands. His face was damp with tears. He hadn’t realized he was crying. Brendon dried his face and stood on his aching legs. He looked up across the field towards the school; his eyes fell on the bleachers. They were all sitting there, watching him. Brendon slowly made his way towards the bleachers. As he got closer he saw they were all there plus two police officers. Brendon stopped and turned around. He stood still for a moment taking slow, deep, calming breaths. He considered doing a few more laps, but decided against it. He turned again and walked to the bleachers.

Thank you for reading please tell me what you think! Cut text from S.O.S. (Anything But Love)by Apocalyptica featuring Cristina Scabbia

Protege Moi (Finished)

2008-07-16T22:40:58Z

Title: Protege Moi, Protege Moi (Two)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: NC-17!
Pairing:Brendon/OMC, Jon/Spencer (For now.)
POV: Third
Summary:Brendon never really tried to hide what was going on, it just naturally didn't come up. Of course abuse is easy to not notice when no one is looking. But when someone finally does start to look, and Brendon decides enough is enough, a new problem arises. Protecting him from not only his abuser, but from himself to. Can Ryan help Brendon stay mentally sane and physically safe, or will they both die trying?
Disclaimer:Very, very, very not true.
Author Notes:Highly graphic and twisted! Please don't crucify me for this! ConCrit welcome and appreciated! Title Credit to Placebo: Protege Moi. (I highly recommend it, fantastic song!) Thank you to everyone who read and replied. As promised, more for you. I hope you enjoy it!

One. (I'm The Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.)

Chapter Two

The next Monday dawned more horrible than any before it. Brendon found his whole body covered in cuts of varying severity. There were welts all over and the left side of his face looked terrible. There were cuts on that side of his face and his eye was black and swollen. School this week was sure to be Hell.
But the part Brendon was dreading most was lunch. Now that he had obvious bruises and friends that would notice and ask questions, he felt incredibly guilty for lying to them and he hadn’t even done it yet.
By lunchtime, Brendon was very tired. He had the suspicion that he might have a concussion. He was sitting at the usual table with his head down in his arms resting peacefully, when he heard Ryan sit down across from him. Brendon let out a quiet sigh of relief, thankful that Ryan hadn’t come up behind him and touched his back or made him jump in any way. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to hold in a scream of pain if that had happened.
“Hey, Brendon! How was your weekend?” Ryan started talking brightly. Brendon rolled his head to the left so that side of his face was still hidden, and looked at Ryan through his right eye. Ryan stopped setting all his food out and looked down at Brendon, tilting his head slightly.
“You okay?” He asked with a soft smile. Brendon lifted his head off of his arms. Spencer and Jon walked up behind Ryan. Ryan inhaled sharply. Behind him Spencer gasped and covered his mouth and Jon’s eyes got wide.
“Oh, shit.” Ryan let out with his breath. He looked and sounded close to tears. Spencer and Jon took seats, their eyes never leaving Brendon.
“Brendon? What the Hell happened to you?” Jon asked his eyes still wide. Brendon looked down at his lap. He was exhausted, he was in pain and he was about to tell a very big lie to the three people that cared most about him in the whole world. And the people he cared most about. Brendon felt on the verge of tears. He looked back up at his friends and swallowed thickly.
“I-I got into a fight. With a guy- that lives in my neighborhood.” He explained weakly. He fought not to cringe as the poisonous words spilled over his lips. He was also trying, unsuccessfully to ignore the slightly dizzy feeling in his head and the guilt induced rolling of his stomach.
“I don’t feel good. I’ve gotta go!” He said quickly and got up.
“Brendon!” Ryan called after him. Brendon stopped and looked back at Ryan for a moment, then turned and fled from the courtyard. Ryan took a deep shuddering breath.
“He’s lying.” He said. Next to him, Spencer nodded silently.
“What do you think really happened?” Jon asked.
“I… I think it might have something to do with his boyfriend… But I don’t want to jump to any conclusions.” Ryan said sadly and bit his lip.
“He really looked like he was in pain didn’t he?” Spencer whispered. “Like he was about to cry at any moment.” Jon hugged Spencer tightly. He pulled Ryan into the hug too. The three of them sat hugging for a few minutes, completely ignoring all the funny looks people were giving them.
Brendon ran, putting as much distance between the lunch yard and him as he could manage. Brendon finally stopped, panting and in pain, in the middle of the maze of portables in the back of the school. He looked around. These portables looked like they hadn’t been used in years. The windows were broken on some and they all looked in horrible disrepair. Brendon walked cautiously up to the best looking one. He pushed open the unlocked door and carefully stepped inside. Half the room was flooded in light, while the other was dark with shadows. It was perfect to Brendon. He lay down on his stomach in the shadowed area, using his bag as a pillow.
Brendon lay there and imagined himself running and hiding here when things got too hard to handle. Of course he’d have to be careful. He didn’t want anyone to know about this.
Brendon drifted off to sleep, imagining himself feeling safe and secure in his special place.
Brendon didn’t eat lunch in the lunch area for the rest of the week. Ryan, Jon and Spencer were all very worried about him. Every time one of them would pass Brendon in the halls, he would do his best to avoid them, which obviously was pretty good because they hadn't been able to catch him all week.
Brendon spent his lunch hours in his special place, when he could manage to make it there without being seen. It almost felt like a game for him. If no one saw him, he could sneak there for an hour and be safe. But if someone saw him while he was on his way there, then it was game over until tomorrow when he could try again.
Brendon went home that Friday with more of a sense of dread then usual. A lot of the cuts on his back and legs were healed but not all of them. And even though some of the cuts were gone, there were still bruises all over. He’d hardly healed at all in fact and Brendon was dreading this weekend more then he could remember dreading any weekend ever before it.
He opened the front door quietly and was surprised to see ‘Michael’s spot’ by the window empty. Brendon looked around nervously. As much as he hated being greeted by Michael every Friday he decided then, at that moment, that it was better then not knowing where he was. He knew he was here somewhere; his car was in the driveway. Which also said that his parents where not home.
Brendon walked slowly and quietly through the house. He found Michael stretched out on the sofa in the family room, sound asleep. Brendon sighed and bit his lip. He sat on the back of the sofa (had his mother been home and sober, she would have had a fit) and watched Michael sleep. In his sleep he looked like an angel. Brendon shuddered a little as he thought about the terrible demon that sleeping angel could turn into.
Brendon left Michael to sleep and went into the kitchen. He knew he should start making dinner for Michael, but the thought of, ‘What if he doesn’t want what I make?’ kept Brendon from doing it. Instead he carefully sat down at the kitchen table. He laid his head down on his arms and let his eyes drift shut.
Brendon had been sitting like that for a few minutes when the doorbell rang. Brendon jumped and then grimaced as the back of his legs throbbed painfully. He quickly made his way to the door, hoping that it hadn’t woken Michael up. Brendon pulled the door opened and gasped not even trying to hide the surprise on his face.
Ryan stood, looking just a little uncomfortable, but mostly just worried.
“I’m sorry to surprise you like this, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. We haven’t talked a lot this week, so I-I followed you home. I’m sorry.” Ryan blushed a light shade of pink. Brendon swallowed hard. Ryan looked so fucking adorable right now! Brendon glanced back into the hallway and then stepped outside, closing the door behind him.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about this week. But I’m fine, really.”
“Why have you been avoiding us? We’re all pretty worried about you, you know?” Brendon sighed.
“I’m sorry.” He said again. “I just needed to think some things over. I needed some time to myself.” Brendon lied. The truth was he couldn’t stand constantly being reminded of Michael while he was with Ryan. And every time he moved, he was reminded. Brendon knew he didn’t deserve Ryan. Ryan was beautiful and amazing and perfect. And Brendon didn’t deserve that at all; Brendon deserved Michael. But Brendon couldn’t help but want Ryan, even if he could never have him.
Ryan opened his mouth to reply but stopped and closed it again as the door behind Brendon opened. Brendon spun around.
“Baby! You’re awake!” Brendon said with a huge, fake, smile.
“Yeah, I am. Who are you talking to, baby?” Brendon swallowed. oh shit, ‘baby.’ Brendon thought. Before he could say anything, Ryan spoke up.
“I’m Ryan. I’m a friend of Brendons from school.” Ryan said offering Michael his hand. Which Michael shook briefly.
“Oh. Ryan. Really?” Michael said. Brendon closed his eyes. He wished Ryan hadn’t said that. Brendon looked over his shoulder at Ryan.
“I’ll see you in school.” He said trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible, quite obviously failing. Ryan looked at him with concern. Brendon walked passed Michael into the house.
“It was nice to meet you.” Michael told Ryan and closed the door. It was a sound that seemed to echo in Brendon’s head.
“You hungry, hon.?” Brendon asked.
“A friend from school?” Michael asked right next to Brendon’s ear. Brendon started to shake.
“We talk. Occasionally. Not even a lot.” Brendon lied again.
“What do you talk about, baby?” Brendon bit his lip.
“Music, books, movies, random shit. We just… talk.”
“You’re cheating on me!” Michael suddenly accused loudly.
“No! I swear! I’m not!” Brendon said a few tears escaping his eyes.
“Yes, you are! You’re cheating on me, you slut!” Michael punched Brendon in the stomach. He cried out and doubled over clutching his stomach.
“Michael, Michael please! Stop this please!” Brendon sobbed.
“It’s okay, baby. You can tell me. We’ll work it out because I love you. But first you have to be honest with me. Now, how many guys have you fucked behind my back? Hmm?” Michael said in a terrifyingly calm voice.
“Michael, please. I swear I’m not cheating on you! I’m not. I’m not!” Brendon said.
Michael grabbed Brendon by the hair and dragged him up the stairs. In the biggest show of defiance he’d had in a long time, Brendon fought back. He began to kick and claw and flail, trying his hardest to get out of Michael’s grip. But Michael was a lot bigger and stronger then Brendon and he was soon reminded why he no longer fought back. With a few well-placed kicks and punches, Michael left Brendon panting and dizzy.
Michael took Brendon into his room and threw him onto his bed.
“If you behave,” Michael told him. “I won’t tie you down.” Brendon sat numbly on his bed as Michael undressed. There really was nothing else he could do. Michael was blocking his way to the door so any attempt to get out that way was out. There was a window, but they were on the second floor. And that didn’t seem like the smartest thing to do. So he just stayed, sitting there numbly… Yes, Michael was what he deserved.
A ripping sound filled the air and Brendon looked up from the floor. Michael slipped the condom on and dropped the wrapper on the floor. He smiled unpleasantly at Brendon.
“Want to be careful. Who knows what you could have gotten from someone you cheated on me with.”
“I’m not fucking cheating on you!” Brendon screamed. He inhaled sharply and his eyes got wide. You don’t just scream at Michael and expect to get away with it. He’d really done it now. Michael looked down at the bottle of lube in his hand, and back up at Brendon smiling unpleasantly again. Michael dropped the bottle and walked towards Brendon. Brendon drew back slightly.
Michael ran his fingers through Brendon’s hair, tightening his grip painfully once at the back of his head. Michael pushed Brendon’s head towards his erect cock. Brendon pushed back against Michael’s hand and whimpered.
“No.” Brendon looked up at Michael with pleading eyes.
“Either suck it or you can go without lube as well as without preparation.” Michael grinned horribly at Brendon. Tears slipped silently down Brendon’s cheek and he closed his eyes, allowing Michael to guide his mouth onto his erection. Michael bobbed Brendon’s head on his dick until he was about to come. He pulled Brendons mouth away from him and took a few deep breaths. He pulled Brendons clothes off of him seemingly effortlessly, although Brendon was struggling as much as he dared.
Brendon, now naked, was forced on to his knees on his bed. Michael grabbed Brendon’s right wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. Brendon whimpered. Michael placed himself at Brendon’s unprepared entrance and pushed, mercilessly, forward. Brendon screamed. He buried his face in his pillow as best he could and cried until Michael was finished. Brendon continued to cry quietly as he listened to Michael move around his room. He heard the condom drop into the trash. Michael picked up his pants and pulled them on and then stepped towards his bed. Michael sat down next to Brendon, leaning in close he whispered to Brendon.
“I love you, Brendon.” Brendon turned his head so his face was buried more.
“I-“ HATE! HATE! SAY HATE! Brendon thought. “-Love you, Michael.” He replied flatly.
“Clean up, calm down and then come downstairs and I’ll tell you what I want for dinner. I’ll be watching TV.” Translation: Don’t interrupt unless it’s a commercial. Michael said leaving the room. Brendon glared at the door before dragging himself to the shower.
Leaning against the wall in the shower, Brendon watched the pink water draining. I can’t stay. I can’t stay. I have to get out of here! He kept thinking. By the time he got out of the shower, Brendon had a plan.
He went into his room, shut the door and dressed quickly. He pulled his socks on and picked up his backpack. He neatly fit several outfits into the bag putting his shoes in on top, and set the bag aside. Brendon grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and picked up the top sheet from his bed, off of the floor. He pushed the sheet into the bag, along with a thin but comfortably heavy blanket and the afghan his grandmother made him. Brendon picked up his backpack and walked through the Jack and Jill bathroom, grabbing everything he thought he would need before making his way through the other door into the guest bedroom.
Brendon walked to the window that over looked the front yard and street and opened it. The only room downstairs with a TV was in the back of the house. Brendon stuck his upper half out of the window and looked up and down the street. He couldn’t see anyone watching. As gently as he could, Brendon dropped the bag into the bushes lining the front walkway. Brendon breathed deeply and pulled himself back in the window and shut it. He went back into his room and grabbed the duffel bag. He quietly opened his door and made his way down the carpeted stairs. At the bottom of the stairs the floor became tile. Brendon carefully stepped off the stairs, making no noise at all thanks to only having socks on. He could hear Michael flipping channels in the family room. Brendon held his breath as he tiptoed into the walk-in pantry in the kitchen.
He pulled the pop-tarts, wheat thins, and a few boxes of cookies (one of his moms’ addictions) the peanut butter and bread off the shelf and put them into the duffel bag. Brendon took several bottles of water out of a case on the floor and put them in the bag too. He looked around and grabbed a few other random things that would probably come in handy (like a few of those utensil packet thing’s, like you get from fast food places) and dropped them in the bag too. Brendon closed the duffel bag and was about to pick it up and head for the front door, when he stopped and bit his lip. He could hear Michael’s bare feet slap against the tile as he walked from the family room into the kitchen. Brendon shook as he breathlessly watched Michael walk around. Michael took an Oreo out of the bag on the counter and put the whole thing in his mouth. He took the milk out and took a long drink straight from the jug. He put the milk away and looked up at the ceiling.
“Brendon! I’m hungry!” He yelled at the ceiling. “What the fuck is taking him so long?” Michael muttered as he stomped out of the kitchen. Brendon grabbed the bag and followed behind Michael, making sure to do so at a safe distance. Once Brendon was sure Michael was up the stairs, he ran across the entry hall and pulled the door open, as quickly and quietly as he could. Brendon had just taken the backpack out of the bushes when he heard Michael scream upstairs.
“Brendon!” Brendon ran. He ran and ran as fast as he could. He didn’t know where he was running; he was just focusing on making sure he wasn’t being followed. After a few minutes of running Brendon stopped and put his shoes on. He’d just started walking again when he stopped and listened carefully. He heard a car coming. He looked around in panic. There was a low garden wall nearby, Brendon ran to it and threw himself over it and lay flat on the ground until he heard the car pass. He slowly and carefully peered over the wall. The coast was clear. He started running again. Brendon found himself back at school. He snuck back to the portables and made his way to his special place.

Okay, so, my bata gave me a neat idea. Starting this chapter, the first person to tell me what band and song my cut text is from gets a sneak peak at the next chapter. :) Just a little something fun to do I guess. Hope you all are enjoying it so far! Thanks for reading!
-MK

Protege Moi (Finished)

2008-07-14T04:01:21Z

Title: Protege Moi, Protege Moi (One)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: NC-17!
Pairing: Brendon/OMC, Jon/Spencer (For now.)
POV: Third
Summary: Brendon never really tried to hide what was going on, it just naturally didn't come up. Of course abuse is easy to not notice when no one is looking. But when some one finally does start to look, and Brendon decides enough is enough, a new problem arises. Protecting him from not only his abuser, but from himself to. Can Ryan help Brendon stay mentally sane and physically safe, or will they both die trying?
Disclaimer: Very, very, very not true.
Author Notes: Highly graphic and twisted! Please don't crucify me for this! Okay, so. I've been writing this story for a year and a half, and I finally decided to post a chapter to see if anyone will even read it. ConCrit welcome and appreciated! Title Credit to Placebo: Protege Moi. (I highly recommend it, fantastic song!)Cut Text credit to My Chemical Romance: Blood.

Brendon fell forward into the pillow on his bed. He lay there sticky with sweat, bruised (though none were visible with clothes on) and trying hard not to cry. He listened as his boyfriend, Michael, cleaned himself up and dressed. It wasn’t technically rape. Brendon hardly ever told him to stop, or said no. Well, not since the first time. And the beating that had followed had been one of the most memorable. Brendon still had nightmares about that night. He still remembered it so vividly, every single detail.
Brendon lay stiffly as he listened to Michael finish pulling his shoes on. Michael leaned over Brendon so when he spoke his breath tickled Brendon’s ear.
“I love you, Brendon.” Michael whispered. These words always made Brendon feel sick. But, ignoring the rolling in his stomach, he forced past his dry throat, a convincing, whispered,
“I love you, Michael.”
“I’ll see you later, hon.” Michael said and left. Brendon listened carefully for the slamming of the door and then the sound of the car driving away, before letting himself cry brokenly into his pillows.
Brendon remembered the first time Michael said, ‘I love you’ to him. He was so happy.
“I love you, Brendon. I can’t live without you.” They had been dating for almost seven months. Brendon had seen Michael’s temper of course, but it had never been directed at him.
They had been dating for exactly twelve months the first time Michael beat Brendon. He left him laying on the ground gasping for air. Later when Michael came back to Brendon, when he was no longer angry, he sat holding Brendon and rocking him and rubbing his back.
“I love you, Brendon. I can’t live without you. And I won’t let you live without me.” Michael had whispered to Brendon. It was the most terrifying thing Brendon had ever heard. Nothing had ever been the same since.
Brendon shivered, even though the room was boiling hot. Under protest from his body, Brendon rolled off the bed, and put himself into a cold shower. After his shower Brendon changed the sheets and pillowcases on his bed and carefully lay down. Trying his best to lay still on his least sore spots.
The next sunrise brought Monday with it. Monday was Brendon’s favorite day, for several reasons. Monday meant another six days until Sunday. Sundays were Michaels one full day off in the week. All twenty-four hours of which, Brendon and Michael spent together. He also liked Monday because it meant the beginning of the school week. During the week Brendon could throw himself into his schoolwork and use it as an excuse to spend as little time with Michael as possible. He usually wouldn’t mind too much as long as Brendon played his cards right.
If Brendon was sure to point out that the only reason he worked so hard was to get good grades and make Michael proud of him, he was able to get out of almost anything that Michael wanted to do on weeknights. But come weekend, it was all Brendon and Michael. There were no other options. There was one thing that made Monday bad. Brendon always found himself, come Monday, black and blue and sore all over. He always needed the five days recover time, and still he was never really healed of all the bruises.
So it dawned another Monday.
Brendon’s eyes opened, and he squinted in the bright light that flooded his room. He carefully rolled out of bed and got ready for school. He could smell whatever his mother was attempting to cook burning, as he slowly walked down the stairs. He walked quietly into the kitchen and was met with an all too familiar sight. His dad, still in his evening wear that he’d worn to the cocktail party last night, was sitting at the table, his head buried as far as possible in his arms. His mom stood at the stove, still in her cocktail dress, with a cigarette and a spatula in her hand trying to flip some unidentifiable black substance. They obviously hadn’t been to sleep yet and at least his mother if not his father also, was still drunk. Brendon snuck back out of the kitchen grabbed his bag and left quietly for school. Michael knew that Brendons’ parents spent the entire weekend out of the house and he used it to his advantage.
At school Brendon had only one person he considered to be a friend and their relationship didn’t go much past the occasional lunch together. Brendon spent his time alone, he really didn’t like being alone but it was much easier than having friends and trying to hide everything from them. The thought of what Michael could do to him if someone found out was enough to help him keep his mouth shut and to keep him from seeking real friendships.
Brendon sat daydreaming at lunch and suddenly was unpleasantly brought back to Earth with a gentle pat on his bruised back. Quickly hiding his pained expression, Brendon looked up into his friends’ face.
“Care for some company today?” Spencer asked, smiling. Brendon did his best to smile back (his back was still throbbing uncomfortably) and nod for Spencer to sit. Spencer took a seat across from Brendon.
“How have you been? How was your weekend?” Spencer asked kindly.
“Oh, well, you know, everything’s been like usual. And my weekend was-“ Brendon swallowed all the real words he had to describe his weekend and forced out, “-fine.
“What about you? How have you been? How was your weekend?” Brendon asked. Spencer practically started glowing.
“I’ve been great lately. I started seeing this really great guy. We’ve been together for about a month, and it’s been wonderful! And this weekend he took me on a moonlit picnic. It was really romantic!” he sighed. Brendon was incredibly jealous. Just then two guys walked up quietly behind Spencer. The taller of the two had short dark brown hair, and was wearing a band tee and a pair of blue jeans. The other boy was much smaller then the tall one. He was built a lot like Brendon. He had dark hair that was artistically draped across his face. His eyes were smudged with black and he wore tight black pants and a tight black long sleeve shirt. He immediately caught Brendon’s attention. The tall boy snuck up behind Spencer and without warning grabbed him around the waist. Spencer shrieked and then started giggling. The small boy sat down a little ways away from Spencer. He looked at Brendon and rolled his eyes.
“They’ve been like that all month. And it’s only cute for so long.” Brendon laughed lightly.
“We haven’t met. I’m Ryan.” Ryan said smiling brightly at Brendon.
“I’m Brendon.”
“Nice to meet you Brendon.” Ryan glanced over at Spencer and the tall boy who were, quite literally, wrapped up with each other.
“I have a feeling we’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” Ryan said rolling his eyes again.
Spencer stopped giggling and looked up at Brendon, with a huge smile still on his face.
“Brendon this is the jerk I was just telling you about. This is my boyfriend, Jon.” Jon offered Brendon his hand. Brendon shook Jon’s hand but pulled back as fast as possible without being rude. The cuff of his sleeve was dangerously close to revealing a particularly nasty bruise on his wrist. Fixing his sleeve quickly, Brendon smiled at Jon and Spencer who had started talking about music. Brendon looked over at Ryan to give him a smile too. Ryan was watching Brendon intently with an unreadable, blank look on his face. Brendon looked away quickly. He almost started panicking. Had Ryan seen something? Why was he staring like that?
Brendon took a deep breath. He was over reacting. He’d only known the kid for two minutes; maybe he liked to stare at people. Just because Ryan was looking at Brendon, doesn’t mean anything… right?
Brendon joined the conversation about music and did his best not to look at Ryan for the rest of lunch.
The next day Brendon sat down at his usual table in the lunch area. He let out a low, lonely sigh and pulled out a book. Suddenly there was a quiet voice in his ear.
“What’re you reading?” Brendon jumped. He looked over at Ryan, who had moved to the other side of the table and sat down. Ryan was grinning, obviously proud of himself for making Brendon jump.
“Why’re you looking at me like that?” Ryan asked.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. You just looked… surprised or shocked or, you know, something like that.”
“Well, you did just sneak up on me. And, well…” Brendon bit his lip.
“And what?” Ryan asked smiling.
“Um, usually I spend lunch alone,” Ryan looked a little disappointed.
“Oh. Do you want me to go?”
“Oh, no!” Brendon blushed. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised that you… well that you want to be here, talking to me. I like having company during lunch, but usually everyone just ignores me. Sometimes Spencer sits with me, but not a lot. I was just surprised you came over.” Brendon blushed again. What the Hell are you thinking? What the Hell are you doing? Brendon thought.
“Aww, I’m sorry, well, you don’t have to worry about lonely lunches anymore! I’ll keep you company from now on!” Ryan said grinning again.
“What about Spencer and Jon? Wouldn’t you rather spend lunch with them?” Brendon asked calmly. His calm was only on the surface though. Inside an emotional battle was waging. On one side Brendon wanted a friend, wanted Ryan. On the other side all he could think was, “What if Michael found out?” and that thought made him want to run as far away from Ryan as he could get.
“They spend their lunch hour making out and if they ever decide to come up for air they can just join both of us. I mean we’re all friends, right?” Brendon smiled at Ryan. He was still unsure, but it’s just an hour a day, right? And how would Michael ever find out?
“Right.” He said smiling again.
“So, back to my other question. What’re you reading?” Ryan and Brendon spent the rest of the hour talking about books.
For Brendon the rest of the week seemed to fly by. He was the happiest he’d been in more then a year.
It was lunchtime on Friday. Brendon and Ryan were sitting at their usual table, joined today by Jon and Spencer. They had just finished laughing at something when Ryan cleared his throat and said,
“So, Brendon, its Friday.” Brendon froze. Any other day he would have made a joke about Ryan finally learning the days of the week or something cheesy like that, but not today. Not on a Friday. Brendon bit his lip.
“Yes it is.” He agreed simply.
“Do you wanna hang out this weekend or something?” Ryan asked. Jon and Spencer were paying very close attention to the conversation.
“I-“ Brendon started, shaking slightly. “-I can’t. I’m sorry.” Brendon stared hard at his hands twisting and shaking in his lap under the table where no one could see them.
“No problem. Maybe another weekend then.”
“I-“ Deep breath. “-Umm, I-I don’t think so. I don’t know. My boyfriend, he-he has weekends off, so that’s when we spend all our time together.”
“Oh.” Ryan said. “Well… hmmm.” Brendon was still staring at his hands.
“I’m sorry.” He said again. “I-I’ve got to go.” He grabbed his bag and ran out of the lunch area. Brendon ran to the bathroom as far away from the lunch area as possible. He ran into the handicapped stall and leaned against the wall, breathing hard. Brendon felt like screaming at the top of his lungs. He settled for a soft whimper instead. He wanted out! He didn’t love Michael anymore. He wanted to see if maybe these feelings he was having towards Ryan meant anything.
Brendon made up his mind. He was going to tell Michael tonight that it was over!
After Brendon left the table Ryan, Jon, and Spencer just looked at each other for a moment.
“He was acting strange.” Jon said finally. Ryan and Spencer looked at him.
“You think?” Ryan asked sarcastically.
“Did you see the way he was shaking?” Spencer said sounding really worried. Jon rubbed Spencer’s back soothingly.
“I hope everything is okay.” He said turning and wrapping his arms around Jon.
“I don’t know, I think something is wrong. I can’t explain it. I just feel like there is something really, really… just… not okay with him.” Ryan said sadly biting at his bottom lip.
Brendon walked as slowly as he dared on his way home. Michael worked morning shift on Fridays. He was always waiting at home for Brendon on Friday. Brendon’s parents just adored Michael and didn’t mind him being at the house at all. They had even given him a house key and told him he was always welcome.
Brendon opened that door and saw Michael standing next to the window by the door.
“You’re late.” He said.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“My… ankle. Got hurt today. I was walking a-a little slow. S-So I wouldn’t aggravate it.” Brendon lied. Michael seemed to accept it though; he didn’t say another thing about it. Michael opened his arms and Brendon automatically walked into them.
“I’ve missed you so much, baby.” Michael said rubbing Brendons back. Brendon’s breath hitched and he bit his lip. Michael was not in a good mood. He only called Brendon ‘baby’ when not in a good mood. When Michael calls him ‘baby’ he knows he’s going to get hit. Brendon knows he is a ticking time bomb and it’ll only take the littlest thing to set him off. Maybe I should wait until next week to tell him… Brendon thinks. No! I won’t wait another week! It’ll stop now!
“Michael, we… we need to talk. I-I don’t want to see you anymore. It’s over.” Brendon said. It barely took Michael a second to react.
Michael backhanded Brendon across his left cheek. Brendon cried out and fell heavily to the ground. He kicked Brendon in the stomach a few times before grabbing his arms and pulling him back up to his feet. He slapped Brendon again and hissed into his ear,
“I say when it’s over. And it’s not over.” Michael held tightly to Brendons arm and backhanded his left cheek again and again. Brendon knew there had to be cuts all over his face and his eye felt about ready to pop. His arm was aching badly from where Michael was holding it bruisingly tight. Michael finally let go of Brendon’s arm and started punching him in the stomach. Tears poured from Brendon’s eyes and his face stung badly as the salty tears rolled over the bloody cuts littering his left cheek.
Michael stopped hitting Brendon. He picked him up and threw him over his shoulder effortlessly. Brendon screamed and cried harder as Michaels shoulder jabbed harshly into his sore stomach.
Michael carried Brendon up the stairs and dropped him with a soft ‘phlump’ on to his bed. Brendon was extremely dizzy and the only thing that was registering was that Michael had stopped hitting him. Brendon heard a jingling noise and forced himself to focus on Michael. He was holding a pair of handcuffs. Brendon finally realized what was going on.
“No! Michael, no! Please, no!” Brendon said pleadingly. “You know I hate being tied down! Please, Michael, don’t!” Michael backhanded him again. He seemed to like being able to hit his face now. Before he’d always been really careful to only leave bruises in places that could be hidden easily. But now he just didn’t seem to care. Michael took advantage of Brendon’s new dizzy spell and grabbed his wrist, pulling him to his feet. He pulled Brendon’s shirt off roughly. Brendon cried out as the shirt was yanked over his face and head. Michael put the handcuffs on one of Brendon’s wrist leaving the other free.
He pushed Brendon backwards a step and the back of his knees hit the bed, forcing him to sit down. Michael grabbed Brendons shoulders and twisted him around so that he was facing the wall. Michael handcuffed Brendon to the headboard, forcing him to lay face down on the bed.
Brendon sobbed quietly into his pillows. He heard Michael moving around, but his head hurt too much to bother watching what he was doing.
The rest of Brendon’s clothes were pulled off and thrown aside, and Brendon could hear Michael shedding his clothing.
Michaels hands ran all over Brendons back and shoulders in a mockingly sweet caress.
“You look so beautiful like this, baby. But I know how to make the sight even better.” Michael’s hands left Brendon, as he moved a little ways away and picked something up. Brendon’s eyes were clenched shut. He just wanted to shut it all out; he wanted it all to stop.
“No, no, no, no, no, no…” Brendon repeat under his breath.

SLAP

A scream was ripped harshly from Brendon as pain shot through his whole body. He looked back at Michael who was pulling back again. He brought the belt down across Brendon’s legs again and Brendon screamed. Brendon tried to bite down on his pillow but it made his head throb uncomfortably and made him feel like he was about to be sick so he abandon that idea. Michael relentlessly beat Brendon’s lower back and legs, seemingly only fueled by Brendons screaming.
Soon, Brendons back and legs were so covered with bloody red welts that his whole body looked swollen. He’d lost count not long after they got into double digits, Brendon had lost his voice. Now all he did was cry and occasionally whimper slightly.
Michael laid the belt a side and knelt next to the bed so he could look into Brendon’s face. He laid his hand on Brendon’s swollen cheek and smiled.
“Aww, baby, you’re doing so well.” There was ‘baby’ again. I must have really pissed him off. Shit, Brendon, can’t you do anything right? Brendon thought.
“Ready for round three?” Michael laughed sadistically. Brendon shut his eyes and started to shake uncontrollably. Michael moved away from Brendon and, had his eyes been open, out of his sight.
Brendon’s eyes popped open and a hushed scream was forcibly ripped from his raw throat. His whole body screamed in anguish, as his bloody, swollen, welt covered hips were grasped in large forceful hands whose fingertips bit mercilessly into the abused flesh.
Brendons exhausted body couldn’t take anymore and he fell unconscious.

Congratulations! You've made it through the first chapter! Comments and ConCrit welcome and appreciated. No flaming, please. Don't like it, don't read it. It really is that simple. If you'd like more, please leave a little something telling me that and depending on the responses I get the next chapter should be up in a few days-a week-ish.

Black Clouds And Safety Nets. (1/1)

2007-07-06T03:10:55Z

Title:Black Clouds and Safety Nets. (1/1)
Author: loveyoued, (My boyfriend, Justin)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mikey/Gee
POV: Mikey/Third
Summary: Mikey is worried about what will happen when Gerard leaves for college.
Disclaimer: Not real. :|
Author Notes: A short story my boyfriend wrote and asked me to post. Hope you like it!

Little feet padded down the hallway and the door creaked open. He went and climbed into the bed, cuddling close into the warm body already in the bed, an arm wrapping around him naturally. When it thundered, Mikey always crawled into bed with his brother.

People said he shouldn't, that it was wrong and weird to still climb into bed with your brother when you were scared when you were in 8th grade, but he still did. HE couldn't help it, Gerard made him feel safe.
He knew Gerard would leave for college soon, he couldn't let him leave. Who would he cuddle with when he was scared? He knew this would be one of the last night’s cuddling up with his brother during the stormy nights.

He knew it, he had known it for a long time, but had never been able to tell him, but now he was getting in his friend's car and he was going to leave. He ran from the porch to the car and stopped Gerard from closing the door.

"Gerard I love you," he said quickly, looking at his brother. Gerard sighed softly and got out of the car, standing up and looking down at Mikey.

"I love you too Mikey..." he said smiling at his only brother.

"No...Gerard, I didn’t mean like brotherly love..." he said, blushing deeply.

"Neither did I, Mikey..." he stated softly and cupped Mikey's face, kissing him full on the lips, not caring who was watching.

"What if I get scared Gerard?" he asked softly when he pulled away.

"My phone line is always open...and you can sleep in my room whenever you want to...and I'll be home for the holidays..." he said softly, hugging Mikey close to him.

"Ok..." he said softly and buried his face in Gerard's neck, holding onto him for as long as Gerard would let him. Gerard pulled away slowly and kissed him again.

"I love you Mikes...and I'll call you everyday. I promise," he said softly and kissed him again before getting in the car and closing the door. Mikey watched sadly as his brother got in the car and they drove off.

The rain came down and Mikey padded down the hallway and climbed into Gerard's bed, hmm...it smelled like him. He closed his eyes and imagined his brother's arms around him. It slowly started to feel like Gerard's arms were really around him. He turned around and saw Gerard against him and he smiled softly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked softly.

"I thought about it...and you need me here more than they need me there..." he said smiling softly at Mikey. “And I was already missing you," he kissed him softly. Mikey smiled and cuddled back against his brother's warm chest, cuddling down under the blankets with him and fell asleep, things were good, and Mikey felt safe in his brother's arms.

Gerard was his safety blanket and always would be. When the rain was coming down and the sky was dark with black clouds, he could cuddle up with Gerard and know that he was safe, and loved.

My first crack!fic! :P:P

2007-06-30T09:06:54Z

Title: Mr. Albert The Stuffed Turtle-Panda!
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Spencer/Jon, Pete/Patrick, Andy/Joe, William/Travis, Gerard/Frank/Mikey
(Oh, thats right, I went there!:P)[I have no imagination what so ever]
POV: Third. I think.
Summary: A bunch of friends get together just to catch up and something very unusual happens!
Disclaimer: Really really not real!
Author Notes: It was 4 a.m. when I started this, please remember that! I had just read a fic about Pete Wentz getting alien pregnant and this happened.... Inspiration comes from aformentioned fic and a movie called Village Of The Damned and The Sims 2!
A zillion thanks(and hugs and cookies) to Claire! For looking this over, convincing me to post it, and introducing me to Australian radio(My new obbsession!)

There is laughter, a room full of it. With hugs and friendly kisses all around. And the couples that arrived together and the friends that have spent too much time apart. But they're together now. All together. And laughing. And they all missed this. Missed each other. Missed the room full of laughter. And then there is only darkness.
~~

Brendon blinks and slowly sits up. He's lying on the ground and he can't remember how he got there. He looks around and notices that everyone else seems to be doing the same thing he is. Everyone is slowly waking up and everyone looks confused. The last thing Brendon remembers is standing with Ryan talking to William and Travis. Will and Travis just got engaged and Ryan had been asking about wedding dates. Then he was here, on the floor, waking up. Brendon looks around him. William is sitting up a few feet away from him, but Travis isn't next to him and Ryan isn't by Brendon. Brendon looks around the room. Jon is sitting up across the room and Andy too. Gerard and Mikey are both looking dazed just a few feet away from Jon and Andy. There are a lot of people missing, Brendon realizes as he scans the room slowly. Everyone else is looking around now too. Brandon 's gaze finally makes its way to the door and he jumps up. All the others that had been waking up having the same reaction. The missing members of their group were all standing there by the door. Ryan, Travis, Joe, Pete, Patrick, Spencer and Frank all standing there staring straight ahead with blank looks on their faces.

"Ryan!" Brendon says and something changes in them all. They all blink and then look around themselves. After a few moments, Ryan gasps and runs to Brendon and starts crying into his chest. Pete and Patrick turn and look at each other with matching expressions of shock and fear on their faces. Spencer sinks down to his knees and starts crying too. Jon rushes forward making soothing noises and asking Spencer what's wrong, while gently rubbing his boyfriends back. Frank looks back and forth between Gerard and Mikey and opens and closes his mouth. Pure shock evident on his face.

"Oh, Fuck No." Travis says.

"This can't be real." Joe says.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?" Gerard says loudly. Ryan and Spencer cry harder and Pete and Patrick turn to look at him. Frank closes his mouth and his eyes go wide. Travis and Joe just look at each other.

"S-Should we just tell them?" Spencer looks up and says tearfully from the floor.

"They're not going to believe us." Ryan chokes out.

"Who would? I don't believe us!" Joe says.

"They're going to have to find out sooner or later." Pete says softly, wrapping his arms around Patrick's waist and kissing his cheek. Patrick nods.

"I am so confused right now…" William says.

"So am I!" Andy, Mikey, Brendon and Gerard chorus. Jon's still making soothing noises at Spencer, but looks up and nods. Suddenly Ryan, Travis, Joe, Spencer, Pete and Patrick all look at Frank. Franks mouth drops open. They all nod at him. Then they all look at Patrick. They're gazes all shift one more time to Travis.

"Well, FUCK!" Travis says loudly.

"Oh my God." Ryan whispers and buries his face in Brendons shoulder.

"Ryan, what is going on?"

"Should I just not try to even figure this out anymore…?" William finally says slowly. Travis goes to William and wraps his arms around him.

"I'm sorry baby…" Joe, Frank, Spencer and Ryan's heads all snap up and they look at Travis. Travis jumps and looks around.

"What'd I do?!" Travis says. Andy throws his hands up in the air.

"Joe, will you please tell me what's going on?!"

"Well…. Um…" Patrick and Pete both look at Joe. Ryan and Travis look at each other and then detangle from their partners to go stand with Joe, Pete, Patrick and Frank. Spencer pecks Jon's cheek and stands and joins them too. They all look around at each other for a minute then they're all looking at Pete, who grins. Patrick rolls his eyes at him. Pete takes a deep breath getting the attention of everyone in the room.

"Well! We're all… pregnant!" There was a loud echoing silence. Pete kept talking. "You guys were put into a sub-conscious state and we were all abducted by aliens and now we're all pregnant and we can read each others minds." He declared. Brendon blinked and looked over at William who looked like he was about to explode with laughter. Then he looked to the Way brothers. Gerard looked thoughtful and Mikey was eyeing the huddled group with skepticism. And then Andy. Andy was staring hard at Pete; he had a concentrated look like he was trying to decide if the shape was a square or a rectangle. Jon's expression matched Mikeys, extremely skeptical.

"Abducted by aliens… Pregnant… and you can read each others minds…?" Brendon started to giggle a little. "You guys are joking right?" Brendon asked. They all just looked at him. There was a long silence.

"Prove it." Mikey said finally. They all looked around at each other.

"How?" Mikey licked his lips.

"Frankie, come here." Frank walked over to Mikey. Mikey whispered into Frank's ear.

"OH, come on. I don't want to know that!" Travis said. "I actually have respect for Gerard, you know!"

"I think it's cute!" Ryan said and smiled at Gerard.

"Me too!" Spencer said.

"What? Michael, what are you saying about me?!" Frank turned and grinned. Patrick started laughing.

"Don't worry Gerard. Mikey was just telling us about Mr. Albert the stuffed turtle! But… Mikey was lying…"

"Cause Mr. Albert's a panda." Spencer finished. Mikey's mouth fell open.

"Holy shit guys. They were abducted by aliens and now they're pregnant and can read each others minds!" Mikey yelled.

"And I'm having twins!" Pete announced happily. Everyone groaned.

"Oh, God! Just what we need. Two little Pete's running around!"

~~

Three days later and all the pregnant people's stomachs were huge! They only stopped eating for a few hours here and there to sleep and then they were right back to eating. They had all moved into a large hotel room so that the non-pregnant people wouldn't go insane by being sent out at three in the morning to find god only knows what. This way the pregnant people could all be happy and together around one big table full of food and the non-pregnant people could help each other take care of the pregnant ones.

"Brendon, Ryan would like a double decker peanut butter, honey and mustard sandwich." Frank said. Brendon grimaced.

"Why doesn't Ryan ask for one himself?"

"Because his mouth is full." Patrick said distractedly as he ripped a marshmallow in half, stuck three potato chips between the sticky white bits of fluff and then popped it in his mouth like there never was anything better.

"William, can Travis have some more chocolate milk, please?" Joe asked between bites.

"Okay, guys. How long is this gonna last?" Gerard said with his hands on his hips. Suddenly Pete gasped.

"We don't have any lemon chicken with mint jelly sauce!" Pete said looking on the verge of tears. Gerard threw his hands in the air.

"I'll call room service." The pregnant people all started slowing down and looking around at each other. They slowly all wiped their hands and mouths and stood up. They each waddled to a random spot in the room and then stood very still. The non-pregnant people watched with wide eyes, not sure what was going on. All at once the pregnant people started to spin very fast. So fast that they were just blurs. As suddenly as they started they stopped and in there arms they each had a little baby. Except for Pete who had two.

Three and a half hours later all the new little babies had names. They had all sat down and poured over the baby name book together until they were all happy. There were three baby girls in the group and the parents of the little girls all decide to name their little princesses after Disney princesses. So the girls where:

Belle Shannon Ross-Urie
Aurora Blake McCoy-Beckett (Soon to be just McCoy)
Jasmine Violet Iero-Way

Andy and Joe named their little boy Leo Gabriel. And Jon and Spencer named theirs Aiden Riley. Pete and Patrick named their three little bundles of joy,

Parker Ross Wentz-Stump
Philip Beckett Wentz-Stump
Phoenix Walker Wentz-Stump

And all the little half alien babies and all their proud daddies all lived happily ever after!

THE END!

Together

2007-05-24T05:55:40Z

Title: Together
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: G!
Pairing: Russ/Drew (From Five Star Friday)
POV: Third.
Summary: Russ and Drew have a little talk before sleeping.
Disclaimer: Not real.
Author Notes: A drabble for Claire! She knows why! :P

Russ collapsed onto the couch with a deep sigh and a big smile.

"Man, I'm tired."

"Yeah, so am I. But it was a lot of fun!" Drew said enthusiastically as he came into the room with drinks for them both. Drew put their drinks down on the coffee table and sat next to Russ, just a little closer then a normal friend would. But Drew and Russ were not normal friends. Russ leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Drew watched Russ relaxing. Watched the deep even breaths fill him and then gracefully depart. And the way Russes eyelashes fluttered softly, un-consciously. And how his lips turned up into a small smile at what ever it was he was thinking about. Drew resettled himself on the couch, turning so his body was facing Russes.

"Russ-" Russ opened his eyes and looked at Drew.

"Yeah?" Drew grinned.

"We're going to be famous. You and me- Five Star Friday- we're gonna make it." Drew said certainly. Russ smiled.

"Yeah, we are." Russ put his arm around Drews shoulder and pulled him close. Drew wrapped his arms around Russes waist and smiled again.

"And you know what the best part is?" Drew asked, not taking his head off Russes chest.

"Whats that?"

"We're doing it together." Russ kissed the top of Drews head and squeezed his shoulders gently.

"We're doing it together." He whispered. He closed his eyes again and they both fell asleep, together.

I wanna go home. Reeeeally bad. Some one take me to WPB? Please?

2007-03-30T08:32:49Z

I feel like a total idiot!
Why?
Well... I just sent an e-mail to a guy I-

A) Don't know.
B) Have never actually talked to before in my life. And probably never will.
C) probably was really stupid... what ever I said.. I don't even remember.

Now, why did I e-mail him...
he said he was lonely. :(
He's from a band that I just got into called Five Star Friday. They're awesome! (THANK YOU CLAIRE!) And the rhythm guitarist and backup vocalist, Russ, posted a bulletin saying that he was lonely and somebody should talk to him. So, what do I do?
Hmmm...
I was kinda bored! Justin had just left and I won't be able to talk to him this weekend at all cause he's going camping(have fun playing with the fire, baby!) and he won't be back until Sunday, so, I e-mail another guy... -_-

I'm kinda nervous about him e-mailing back.. what am I going to talk about with a guy I've never met, I don't even know how old he is and he lives in Australia... I guess we could talk about his(their) music, but I don't want to seem like just a spazzy fan or something.... although that might flatter him... hmmm.

I don't know. My head hurts. And there is a 15 hour time difference between Florida and Australia.(Just felt like throwing that little extra bit of information in there for you.:P)

*sigh* I reeeally should go to bed. It being 4:12 am and all. But I don't want to. Cause Erin and Shawn are up. I know they're probably sitting at home saying,
'OMG, I miss Merissa sooo much!'
'OMG, I know, so do I!'
*CRY!*
*Cling to each other*
*both* 'LET'S GO GET HER!'
*jump in the car*

*nods* Yup, thats exactly how it's happening, and they're totally on their way here RIGHT NOW! Oh my gosh, I should go make brownies for when they get here!

......(note to self: Be mad at Justin for at least five minutes for making me obsessed with dots)

Anyway, thats so not what they're really doing now. They're probably playing Guitar Hero. And Erins probably playing Beast And The Harlot and ROCKING! Cause she just does it like that.

*sigh* Headache's getting worse. And it's 4:20 am now. I'm going to ~~my room to write~~ bed. ~~Yeah, right, we all know I'm so gonna go in there and start writing.~~

Goodnight, lovelies!
<3
-MerissaKay.

SLASH AT THE DISCO WRITING CONTEST #9

2007-03-28T06:04:15Z

Title: Midnight In Breakfast Land
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Jon with Ryan/Spencer in the background
POV: Third
Summary: Brendon's going to make this one of the best nights of their lives. A night none of them will forget!
Disclaimer: *blink, blink* My therapist recently gave me all of my most favorite musicians so they could keep me company in the mental hospital.8D
Author Notes: I LOVE ERIN! She's an awesome beta(even if she does get distracted easily, but who can blame her with all those pretty boys around...:P) and a fucking fantastic sister. And she really inspires me. This one is totally for her because she gave me the extra promts for it (no Ryden *gasp*) and I missed her birthday party *sobs*. And the guilt is eating me alive. So here's something of a present for her. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!(I'll still write that other one for you if you ever think of it:P)

Brendon stepped out of the men’s room into a dark lounge. The power had gone out while he was in the restroom; it would probably be coming back in a minute. There was just enough light to see as Brendon made his way down the long hallway to the food court. He stopped, dead in his tracks at the end of the hall. The food court was completely empty. Brendon’s mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. He looked around, panicked. He slowly started to walk through the abandon food court. His footsteps echoed eerily back at him. He looked down at his watch. 8:47. The mall wasn’t supposed to close for another 13 minutes.

Brendon made his way to Brookstone where he’d left Jon, Ryan and Spencer to run to the bathroom. The lights were all out and there was no one around. Brendon walked around the small store twice. No sign of anyone. He walked out of the store and stood uncertainly, shifting from foot to foot for a moment. He needed to move around he decided. He turned to his left and started to walk. Brendon walked fast his arms crossed over his chest protectively. The quiet and still of the huge place was the most creepy thing Brendon had ever experienced.

Brendon round a corner and his eyes lit up. He glanced around and then grinned as he skipped over to the large play area. Breakfast Land, Brendon dubbed it in his head. Brendon jumped up onto the over sized half a grape fruit and bounced on it like a trampoline. For the next 15 minutes Brendon forgot that there was a problem as he climbed on, over, through and around the large plastic pieces of breakfast food. Finally a little tired, Brendon crawled over to the gigantic plate of waffles. He climbed onto the waffles and used the glob of butter as a pillow. He rest quietly for a minute catching his breath then opened his eyes and looked up over the railing to the second floor. There was a large poster of a girl wearing only underwear staring at him. Brendon grinned again and jumped off the waffles. He climbed the stairs right outside Breakfast Land to the second floor.

Victoria’s Secret

Brendon glanced around out of habit now and went into the lingerie store. In the front were all the pajama type things. Camisoles, tank tops, and pj pants and shorts. In the middle section was the lingerie and in the back were seemingly endless rows of bras. Brendon stopped next to a rack and slowly walked around it looking at the lingerie. He pulled a hip length teddy with matching panties off the rack. It was a silky see through film in the bodice, with a flower pattern embroidered into the sheer material, and a solid satin trim and tie cord. The matching panties were solid satin. The set was a deep ruby red. It was beautiful. Brendon picked one up he thought might be his size and ran to the dressing room. He giggled as he shut the dressing room door. He quickly peeled his shirt off and took the top off the hanger. He pulled the teddy on and tied the crimson cord over his sternum. Brendon licked his lips and watched the mirror. He ran his hands over his sides and chest the silky material caught in the middle. Brendon gasped as his hands ran over his nipples, the sheer film causing a delicious friction. Brendon grinned again as he looked down at the satin panties. He tugged his tight jeans off and slid the satin on. He gasped again as his cock was caressed intimately by the slightly too small, not made for his body, garment. Brendon ran his fingers over his hips, tracing the beautiful red satin stretched over his skin. Brendon felt… sexy!

Brendon’s eyes glazed over.

Suddenly the room was much brighter and there was a flurry of activity around him that he hardly paid any mind to. A loud voice filled the room suddenly.

“And last, we have Brendon Urie-“ The door was opened and Brendon stepped out into a spotlight. He could hear the clicking of camera shutters as he began to walk exaggeratedly down the runway. “-Brendon is modeling the Blood Rose Teddy Set from Ruby Red Lingerie Line. Available in the spring catalogue.” Brendon turned at the end of the catwalk and stopped, jutting his hip out dramatically as he looked out over the crowd with his best ‘model face’ on.

Brendon let out a loud, high pitched scream and turned around quickly. He was back inside a dark Victoria’s Secret in the middle of a deserted mall. He started panting at a toothily grinning Jon Walker, who had just goosed Brendon.

“Oh my god you scared me!” Brendon panted putting a hand to his chest. Jon stood back and looked Brendon up and down. Brendon remembered where he was and what he was doing. He blushed deeply and wrapped his arms around himself.

“What are you doing Bren?” Jon asked. Brendon blushed more.

“I… I… I feel sexy.” Brendon answered shyly. Jon licked his lips and swallowed.

“I think satin tends to have that effect on people.” Jon eyed Brendon again and flushed slightly.

“Jon Walker, are you checking me out?” Brendon asked, sounding delighted. Jon looked away quickly.

“We should- uh- find the guys. We split up to find a way out.” Brendon motioned for Jon to follow him. Brendon went into the dressing room and started talking through the door.

“What happened? Where is everybody? I came out of the bathroom and it was like… deserted.” Brendon said.

“Yeah, we were waiting for you in Brookstone and the power went out. Well, security started telling everybody they had to leave, so they started ushuring everybody out and we were just sitting in Brookstone waiting for you to come back and the next thing we know- we’re totally alone. We figure you probably got out or something so we split up to see if we could find a way out. And I found you.” Brendon had opened the door somewhere in the middle and was now standing in front of Jon, fully clothed.

“Wow… So… We’re locked in a mall… alone? Why’re we trying to get out? Do you realize the fun we could have?” Brendon said slowly. Jon thought for a moment.

“I can’t think of anything that doesn’t involve stealing…. And, um, no.” Brendon grinned and grabbed Jon’s hand.

“Come on we have to find Ryan and Spencer.” Brendon said excitedly. Brendon walked out of Victoria’s Secret, just outside of the store Brendon glanced back at Jon. Jon didn’t realize Brendon was looking and was still checking out Brendons denim covered ass. Brendon stopped suddenly, causing Jon to run into him.

OOPH!

“Bren, what-“ Brendon turned, not stepping away from Jon. He grabbed Jon’s forearms gently to keep him from moving away either. They stayed like that for several long moments. Jon swallowed thickly.

“B-Brendon?” Brendon tilted his head and gently pressed his lips to Jon’s. It was slow and sweet and just right. Jon sighed when Brendon pulled back.

“Thank you for not laughing at me.” Brendon whispered. Jon smiled.

“No problem. So… was that just a thank you kiss?” Brendon grinned and raised his eyebrows, then pulled away from Jon.

“Did you guys have a plan to meet somewhere?” Brendon asked.

“Actually… no.” Jon said. Brendon rolled his eyes. He cupped his hands around his mouth. Jon covered his ears.

“Ryyy-an! Spenceeeeer!” Brendon called. “Meet back at Brookstone!” He yelled into the empty space. They made their way back to Brookstone. They sat down in two of the chairs and waited. Brendon casually took Jon’s hand and laced their fingers. They waited a few more minutes in easy silence, and then Spencer and Ryan came into view. Brendon jumped up and ran back into the store before they even reached the store. Jon could hear things being moved around but he didn’t follow. Ryan and Spencer came up to Jon.

“Any luck?”

“If you mean finding a way out, no. But I found Brendon. He thinks we’re crazy that we want to leave.” Ryan and Spencer laughed.

“Where is he?” Spencer asked.

“He’s back there. He saw you guys coming and jumped up, I don’t know what he’s-“

“Hey! Guys, come here!” Brendon called suddenly. They exchanged looks and made their way farther into the store. In the very back of the store there was a sample bed set up. There were three pillows laying in a row at the end of the bed. Brendon was no where to be seen. Jon, Spencer and Ryan all looked around for Brendon. They were standing at the foot of the bed. Brendon came up behind them and hit Spencer on the back of the head with his own pillow. Spencer spun around. Brendon grinned widely at him and ran away through the store, giggling. Spencer grabbed a pillow from the bed and ran after Brendon.

“Oh, no you don’t! Get back here!” Spencer yelled. Ryan and Jon looked at each other then each grabbed a pillow and followed the other boys.
Brendon ducked behind a large plant and watched Spencer come out of the store two seconds after him. Spencer stopped and looked around.

“Oh Breeeendon- Come out, come out where ever you are…” Ryan and Jon came out behind Spencer. Brendon jumped out from behind his plant, swinging his pillow. Soon they were chasing each other in and out of stores and jumping out at each other all over the place. It didn’t take very long for them to get worn out. When they all decided they were done, they went back into Brookstone and collapsed together on the bed. They were all out of breath and giggling.

“Oh my god! That was so fun!” Ryan panted, his head resting on Jon’s chest. Brendons arm was slung around Spencer’s shoulder and Spencer was holding on to Brendon’s waist while they caught their breath.

“Yeah!” They all agreed. They had been resting quietly for about ten minutes when Brendon sat up. They all looked at him.

“Let’s play hide and seek!” Brendon said sounding like a little kid. They grinned at each other.

“Okay!”

“One, Two, Three, NOT IT!” Brendon said loudly.

“NOT IT!” Jon and Spencer cried at the same time. They looked at Ryan smiling. He smiled too.

“Okay, but not all over the mall, Okay?” Brendon nodded.

“How about we stick to this floor?” Jon suggested.

“And this wing.” Spencer said.

“Okay so we all agree to stay in the left wing, bottom floor?” Brendon said. They all nodded. Ryan buried his head in the four pillows still on the bed and started to count. The other boys scurried off the bed and out of the store. They smiled at each other at the door and went in different directions. Ryan count to 100. He searched Brookstone and found no one. He giggled and stepped out into the mall. This was the best night ever!

Ryan searched diligently through the stores. He found Spencer first, crouched behind a large plant in American Eagle. Then Jon, behind the counter in Starbucks, and last Brendon, sitting calmly on the bench in the dressing room in Hot Topic. They went back into Brookstone and fell back onto the bed.

“Let’s play again! One, Two, Three, NOT IT!” Brendon yelled.

“NOT IT!”

“NOT IT!”

Spencer was it. He turned his head into the pillows and started to count. Ryan jumped up and raced out of the store. Brendon and Jon speed walked. At the entrance Jon turned to smile at Brendon again. Brendon smiled back but took Jon’s hand before he could walk away. He put a finger to his lips and started walking backward pulling Jon with him. Brendon led them quickly into Charlotte Russe and pulled Jon to the back of the store. Back in the shoe department were long slightly comfortable lounge seats. Brendon turned to face Jon. He hesitated for a moment then gently pushed his lips against Jon’s again. Jon kissed back immediately. He wrapped his arms around Brendon’s waist and pressed his palm to Brendon’s lower back pulling him closer. There bodies were flush against each other now. They slowly backed up and lowered themselves onto the lounge, Brendon lying fully on top of Jon. Brendon pulled back and looked down into Jon’s eyes. Jon looked back and gently ran his fingers over Brendon’s cheek. Brendon lowered his lips to Jon’s again kissing him passionately. Jon let his hands drop down Brendon’s body from his lower back. Jon grabbed Brendon’s ass and pulled his hips down against his own. They both moaned loudly as their erections rubbed together. Brendon pulled away from Jon’s lips again and dropped his head onto Jon’s shoulder. He pressed kisses into Jon’s neck and gently nipped at his ear before just resting on him.

“Jon?”

“Yeah, Bren?”

“Do you… Do you want to do this? I mean like, us? Like a relationship kinda sorta thing? Or is it just-“ Brendon pushed his hips against Jon’s lightly. “that?” Brendon asked slowly. Jon paused for a moment then pulled back so he could see Brendon’s face.

“I want you in any and every way that you’ll let me have you, Brendon Urie.” He said softly. Brendon’s breath caught in this throat. He curled a hand behind Jon’s neck and brought their lips back together.

“I want you too.” Brendon whispered on Jon’s lips.

“Oh my fucking god!” Brendon and Jon both jumped and started flailing at the same time. They spilled off the narrow lounge onto the floor in a tangled together heap with a loud thump. They sat up rubbing different body parts injured in the fall and looked over at Spencer, who had been the one to scream, and Ryan. They were both grinning like mad.

“Oh my god! We’ve been waiting for you guys to hook up forever!” Spencer sqee-ed and clapped his hands excitedly. He turned to Ryan.

“I told you they would hook up soon! Ryan didn’t think you guys would ever get it together! You owe me $20, baby.” Spencer said, wrapping his arms around Ryan. Jon and Brendon watched with their mouths hanging open.

“Can’t I pay you back in a different way?” Ryan asked with a smirk.

“That all depends, what did you have in mind?” Spencer smirked back. Ryan turned and started whispering in Spencer’s ear. Jon and Brendon watched as Spencer’s eyes steadily grew and his lips turned in a wicked smirk. Spencer pulled away from Ryan suddenly and grabbed his hand. He started running through the store, pulling Ryan with him.

“Congrats guys! GAME OVER!” Spencer yelled back and then they were gone. Jon and Brendon looked at each other.

“Did you know they were together?” Jon asked Brendon. Brendon shook his head.

“I don’t know how we missed it; they seem crazy about each other.” Jon leaned forward and kissed Brendon quickly then stood up, offering Brendon a hand to help him up too. Brendon hugged Jon’s waist as they walked out of the large store. He smiled widely as they walked, happy just to be with Jon.

“Where are we going?” Brendon asked after they’d been walking a little while. Jon shrugged.

“Just walking. Where do you want to go?” Brendon shrugged to.

“Where ever is fine.” Jon suddenly turned them into a store. Brendon took a deep breath and almost got a high from the smell. Jon walked over to a long, low, slanted shelf full of candles. Brendon and Jon spent about ten minutes sniffing all the different candles and oohing and awing over the specially crafted ones. Soon though, the overwhelming scent of the place started to make them feel light headed and they left Yankee Candle.

Jon laced his fingers with Brendon’s as they walked. Brendon looked up at Jon. He was overcome with the urge to kiss him. Brendon stopped and pulled Jon to him and crashed their lips together.

“Just felt like doing that.” He said softly when they finally broke apart. Jon smiled. They started walking again. They came upon Breakfast Land again. Jon pulled away from Brendon and started to bounce excitedly.

“Brendon! Let’s go play on the fruit!” Jon skipped away from him and started to climb on the waffles Brendon had earlier used as a bed. Brendon giggled and followed. Brendon jumped into a tube thing that was supposed to be stacked sliced pineapple and waited. Jon turned around to tell Brendon to come join him and didn’t see him any where. He turned in a circle.

“Brendon? …Brendon?” Jon started walking around looking all around the fruit. Brendon listened as Jon got closer, and then popped up.

“Boo!” He said. Jon jumped back with a loud, EEEE! And fell onto the grape fruit. They both started giggling. Brendon climbed out of the pineapple and sat next to Jon, giggling. Jon propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Brendon.

“What?” Brendon asked.

“Nothing.” Jon smirked. Brendon looked at him disbelievingly. Jon crooked his finger at Brendon.

“Come here I’ll tell you.” Jon said lowly, like it was a big secret. Brendon leaned forward.

“You scared me.” Jon whispered, and grabbed Brendon and started to tickle him. Brendon shrieked with laughter and pushed at Jon’s hands. He finally got away and he ran around the large strawberry. Jon got up and ran after him. Jon chased him around the fruit for several minutes. Finally he caught the smaller boy around the waist and they fell onto the waffles together. Brendon curled into Jon’s side as they both panted for breath and let out sporadic giggles. Brendon let his head fall onto Jon’s chest and he listened to Jon’s breathing even out as the older man fell asleep. Brendon’s eyes slipped shut and soon the soothing melody of Jon’s breathing had Brendon fast asleep too.

A loud, ‘AHEM’ woke Brendon suddenly. He blinked rapidly and then sat up so he wasn’t lying on Jon, pinning him to the waffles anymore. Another ‘AHEM’ and Brendon looked up into the face of a gentle looking security guard. Brendon glanced over at Jon. His eyes were wide and his mouth formed a small ‘o’ shape. He shot a side ways look at Brendon. Brendon looked back up at the officer and smiled widely, trying to win the man over. The man just stared.

“Umm, we can explain?”

Very Romantic

2007-03-24T06:55:04Z

Title: Very Romantic
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jon Walker/Ryan Ross
POV: Third.
Summary: Ryan and Jon watch a movie they’ve seen a million times.
Disclaimer: If you really, honestly want to think that I own anyone…well… I won’t argue with you.(;
Author Notes: Many thanks to Erin for demanding pointless fluff and betaing for me. This story is dedicated to SHAWN! ‘Cause he's an awesome friend and I love him and I miss him and I can’t wait for the concert!

Ryan wrapped his arms tighter around Jon’s waist as he pushed back against Ryan’s chest. Jon sighed. Ryan knew that if he were to look down at his boyfriends face he would see a huge goofy smile, and eyes full of tears. Ryan rolled his eyes, thankful that Jon couldn’t see him. This happened every-single-fucking-time they watched this movie. The first few… or five… times it had been cute, but after that it got just a little annoying. But it was only annoying until they got to Jon’s favorite part, where, every time with out fail Jon would turn to Ryan and press their lips together lightly. Then he’s smile a little, and with his eyes still full of tears he’d whisper, ‘Isn’t this part romantic?’ It made Ryan’s heart melt. Ryan would shove away the urge to let out a loud ‘aww’, and return Jon’s smile. Then he’d whisper back, ‘Very romantic.’ And he’d press his lips to Jon’s again. Jon would sigh dreamily and turn back to the movie. At the wedding scene Jon would cry all the built up tears, and then at the chase scene he would sit up and hold his breath. Watching intently with wide eyes. It was the same every time.

It came to Jon’s favorite part and he sat up and turned to Ryan. He pressed his lips to Ryan’s lightly. He sang a few lines along with the movie, pressing as close as he could to Ryan and still being able to look at him.

“Somewhere in my youth, or childhood, I must have done something good.” He sang slow and soft with the movie. “Isn’t this part romantic?” Jon asked and then sniffed. Ryan bit his lip to stop himself from ‘aww’ing. Ryan hugged Jon.

“Very romantic.” Ryan said and kissed Jon. Jon rested his head on Ryan’s chest and sighed dreamily.

“I love you, Ryan.” Jon whispered.

“I love you too, Jon.” Ryan whispered back. He hesitated for a moment.

“But, baby…” Ryan said slowly. Jon looked up at him.

“Yeah?”

“Tomorrow, can we watch something other then The Sound of Music?” Jon smiled and kissed Ryan again.

“Sure.”

It Will Be Beautiful

2007-03-24T06:15:20Z

Title: It Will Be Beautiful
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon Urie/Mikey Way/Zacky Vengeance
POV: Third.
Summary: A bit of sweet fantasizing among lovers.
Disclaimer: If you really, honestly want to think that I own anyone…well… I won’t argue with you.(;
Author Notes: Many thanks to Erin for demanding pointless fluff and betaing for me. This story is dedicated to my Angel, because this story is loosely based on a conversation we had, and he poked my muse awake for me. :)

“Do you want to go flying with me?” Brendon asked suddenly. Mikey pushed himself up onto his elbow on Brendon’s right side. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Zacky who was on Brendon’s left. They were all resting comfortably in the after glow of hours of heated, passionate sex when Brendon broke the quiet with his question.

“Come again?” Mikey said.

“Maybe later.” was Brendon’s casual response. Zacky grinned and propped himself up on an elbow too.

“What are you talking about flying, Brendon?” Mikey clarified.

“I want to go flying…” Brendon opened his eyes to look at them. “Would you come with me?” He asked them. “We could fly so far up… in the clouds… or above the clouds.” He was quiet for a moment. “We could watch… sun rises or sunsets. We could close our eyes and feel the wind. Just take deep breaths and forget that anything is wrong in the world. Forget there even is a world…” Brendon was quiet for a few minutes. Zacky and Mikey watched him silently, knowing he wasn’t done yet.

“Like Peter Pan and the Darlings.” He said softly.

“Do you want to go flying with me?” Brendon looked up in to both of their eyes. Mikey looked over at Zacky. Zacky met his eyes. They both looked down at Brendon.

“We would love to go flying with you, Brendon.” Mikey whispered. Zacky smiled.

“Where would we fly to, Brendon?” Zacky whispered excitedly. Mikey curled down to Brendon’s side and rested his head on his shoulder. Zacky sat up completely sitting cross-legged, naked, on the bed next to them. Brendon smiled lazily and closed his eyes.

“Will the place we go to be soft and made of clouds like pillows? Where we can just lie down together… What will it be Brendon?” Zacky said. Brendon opened his eyes and looked down at Mikey who was looking up at him expectantly. Then he looked up at Zacky whose eyes were hopeful and expectant, too. Brendon smiled.

“It will be beautiful. That’s what it will be.”

But That Was Then

2007-03-17T00:22:28Z

Title: But That Was Then
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Zacky/Ryan
POV: Third
Summary: A terrible confession shakes both boys worlds to the core. Now all thats left are the memories of what once was, and the thought of what might have been.
Disclaimer: I own nothing... :(
Author Notes: Thanks to Erin, tryhonesty326, for betaing. And to everyone and everything that put me in the mood to write this. Also, Thanks to Chenil for creative inspiration.
Warning: Death.

Zacky wrapped his arms around himself. He bit the inside of his cheek. Hard. He blinked away the tears in his eyes and took a deep, shuddering, calming breath. He couldn’t get the scene out of his head. He couldn’t believe the way things had turned out. He never thought things would end up like this. How could things have ended up like this?

“Leave! Just get out!” Zacky screamed. He grabbed the empty glass next to him and threw it. It shattered against the wall.

Zacky sank to the cold, hard ground. His stomach convulsed and Zacky gagged. He put a hand over his mouth and tried to take calming breaths. He stopped fighting the tears.

“I fucking hate you!” Zacky shook his head in disbelief, and disgust.

Sobs tore painfully from Zackys weak body. Tears flood from his eyes and violent tremors shook him. He stopped fighting the gagging.

“I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t…” Zacky stared wide eyed.

Zacky was on his hands and knees, gasping and gagging and shuddering. His body wretched painfully on an empty stomach. He hadn’t eaten since he found out. Zacky sputtered and coughed and small droplets of blood spattered the grass. Zacky stopped fighting the memory.

“Baby, can we talk?” Zacky smiled up at Ryan, but his face quickly fell. He swallowed.

“Okay.” Zacky said. Ryan sat down in the chair across from Zacky instead of on the couch next to him.

“Zacky, I love you… but I made a mistake.” Ryan looked down. “Zacky, I had an affair.” Ryan said not looking Zacky in the eye.

“I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t…” Zacky stared wide eyed.

“I-I did. But I’ve stopped it, I love you, I want to be with you.” Zacky blinked rapidly. “Zacky, I don’t want to lose you! I’ll do anything…”

“I fucking hate you!” Zacky shook his head in disbelief, and disgust.

“Baby, I know you’re mad, but please… just please, I want to work it out…”

“Leave! Just get out!” Zacky screamed. He grabbed the empty glass next to him and threw it. It shattered against the wall. Ryan walked to the front door. He grabbed his keys and coat. Ryan looked back sadly.

“I’ll wait for you forever; I love you, Zacky Baker.” Ryan walked out the door.

Zacky beat the ground with his fists.

“How could you leave me like that?” Zacky cried loudly. “How could you fucking do this to me?”

Zacky rubbed his eyes as he shuffled to the front door. The bell had just rung. He pulled the door open. There were two police officers.

“Mr. Baker?” A tall black officer asked. Zacky swallowed.

“Yes?”

“May we come in?” Zacky stepped back slowly. They stood in the entrance hall.

“What can I help you with officers?” Zacky asked.

“You were listed as the emergency contact for Mr. Ryan Ross. Do you know him?” Zackys face went blank. The internal fight was fierce. One side was still so incredibly angry at Ryan that he had the urge to hit something at just the thought of him. The other was still in love with him and was terribly worried about why these officers would know that he was the emergency contact. Love vs. Hate. Clichéd enough, Love won.

“I do know him. What’s wrong?” Zacky asked worriedly.

“Mr. Ross was in a car accident about an hour ago- “Just after he left here. Zacky thought. “-Mr. Ross was determined dead on arrival.” The officer said slowly.

Zacky sat in front of Ryan’s grave. He stared at the polished stone through salt reddened eyes. Zacky lay down on his stomach on Ryan’s grave.

“How could you do this to me?” Zacky asked the ground. His
voice was rough.

“I lied to you. I lied so bad. I don’t hate you. I couldn’t ever do that. I think- I think maybe we would have been okay. If- If you- If you hadn’t… God, Ry… you are –were- the best driver I’ve ever known. How could you get in an accident? How could you do this? How could I do this…? Why did I have to send you away? Why did you have to go so easy…? Another five minutes… everything could have been different. God, Ryan! What might have been…” Zacky cried.

“Zacky, I love you.” Zacky stopped putting away the last of their picnic and looked at Ryan.

“What?” He said. Ryan smiled.

“I love you, Zacky. I really do.” Zackys mouth fell open. They had been dating for almost 8 months. This was the first time the ‘L’ word had been mentioned.

“Oh.” Zacky said.

“I don’t expect you to say it back right away. Knowing you, I would be shocked if you did, but it was the right time for me to say it, okay?” Zacky smiled finally. He shook his head and laughed lightly.

“Love.” Zacky said still laughing and shaking his head. Ryan leaned forward.

“Yeah, yeah. Shut up.” He pushed his lips to Zacky’s.

Zacky smiled. His eyes were sunken and sad. All tears were gone. Screaming fulfilled. Gagging subsided. Drained. Emotionless. Zacky closed his eyes.

The credits were rolling on the screen. Ryan was falling asleep on Zackys chest. Zacky had his arms draped easily over Ryan. Ryan stirred.

“Waas’time?” He slurred sleepily.

“Ryan?” Zacky said.

“Wa?” Ryan looked up with bleary eyes.

“I love you.” Ryan pulled back a little and blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. He looked into Zackys eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. Zacky blushed lightly. It was barely visible in the dim light from the TV. Ryan grinned.

“I love you, too.” He said simply. Ryan got up and took Zackys hand. He pulled him up and turned the TV off.

“Come on, baby. I’m tired, let’s go to bed.” Zacky smiled widely behind his boyfriends back and let himself be led to bed.

“I love you.” Zacky said and was gone. He stopped fighting.

Saying, 'I Love You.'

2007-03-16T23:39:51Z

Title: Saying, 'I Love You.'
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
POV: Third
Summary:As the result of a terrible childhood secret, Mikey has all the wrong ideas about love. Now as a successful adult Mikey’s still holding on to those ideas and it’s affecting his life more and more everyday. Can Gerard show Mikey what real love is in time to save Mikey’s career and, more importantly, his life?
Disclaimer: All I own is a miniature piggy named Gerard. (He lives in my pocket!)
Author Notes: Thanks, as always, to the lovely Ms. Erin, tryhonesty326, cause she’s the most awesomest beta ever and the best big sister I ever had… even though she once told me she wished I’d died in a plane crash. :| And thanks to the wonderfully, amazingly supportive Miss Chenil, lame_screenname, love you THERE!!! Cause really this fic is like, entirely her fault… *nods * Also, I realize that this fic kind jumps around a lot and that it’s a little sketchy and not like my normal writing style at all(for those of you that know my work) but I was told, and I agree obviously or I wouldn’t have posted it like this, that the style worked for the story. I hope you like it anyway. :)
Warning: Sexual abuse, pedophilia, gross misconception of definition of ‘love’

Gerard’s bedroom door slowly opened and a small boy slipped into the room. Without opening his eyes, Gerard lifted the blankets so Mikey could climb into the bed with him. Mikey was nine, and very small for his age. Daddy said he was weak, that’s why daddy loved Mikey more then he loved Gerard. Gerard had asked him once why he loved Mikey more then he loved him, and daddy told him,

“Because Mikey is weak Gerard. You are not weak, you are strong. Weak people need more love so that maybe one day they can be strong too.” Eleven year old Gerard didn’t understand. The sounds of the way daddy loved Mikey could be heard clearly through the wall that connected Mikey and Gerard’s rooms. Almost every night Gerard had to bury his head in his pillows to try to drown out the sound of Mikey crying and telling daddy that it hurt. Some times daddy would say,

“Shh, baby, shh, it’s almost over.” And the times when Mikey cried the hardest and screamed the loudest daddy would say,

“I love you, Mikey. I love you so much. I love you.” The nights daddy didn’t fall asleep in Mikey’s bed, Mikey would sneak into Gerard’s room. Gerard would let Mikey bury his face in his chest and cry, but wouldn’t hold him. Mikey hated to be held. It made him feel like he was being held down. Daddy liked to hold him. Gerard would let Mikey hold him, would let Mikey cry and he’d let Mikey talk. Gerard let Mikey do whatever he needed. They had only been caught in the morning once. Daddy had spanked them both with the belt and told Mikey he was not allowed to leave his room at night and he was not allowed to sleep in the same bed with Gerard. Mikey ignored both of these rules, but made sure he was up before daddy and had moved back to his own bed.

Mikey carefully crawled into the bed next to Gerard. He sniffed and hugged Gerard around the waist.

“Gerard, I know you wish daddy loved you like he loves me.” Mikey sniffed again. “But I’m glad that he doesn’t. Because you know how people say that ‘love hurts’? Well, it’s true. And I’m glad that daddy doesn’t love you, ‘cause I don’t want him to hurt you.” Gerard had finally opened his eyes and was looking at the top of Mikey’s head.

“I don’t think all love hurts Mikey. I love you.” Mikey looked up at Gerard quickly. Mikey put a finger on Gerard’s lips.

“No, shh, don’t say that. All love does hurt. You can’t say you love me and I can’t say I love you. I don’t want us to hurt each other.” Mikey said with wide eyes.

“Well then how am I supposed to tell you that I care about you if I can’t say that?” Gerard asked. Mikey thought for a few moments.

“Oh, I know. We can use a different word. If we don’t say ‘love’, then it won’t really be love right? We’ll just use a different word that means we care but that doesn’t mean we love each other.” Mikey smiled, proud of his idea. Gerard smiled too.

“But, what word are we going to use?” Gerard asked.

“You read more then I do, Gerard. What word would be good for us?” It was Gerard’s turn to think.

“What about adore?” Gerard said finally.

“I adore you.” Mikey tested. “I like it! It’s perfect!” Mikey whispered.

“Gerard?”

“Yeah, Mikey?”

“I adore you.” Gerard smiled sleepily.

“I adore you, too.” They fell asleep with Mikey still hugging Gerard’s waist, and his head resting on his chest.

~~~~~~~

Gerard put the cigarette out in the ash trey and turned his attention back to his sketchbook. He narrowed his eyes at the drawing and lit another cigarette in frustration. No matter how hard he tried he just could not get the tears on the decapitated teddy bear to look right. Mikey walked into the front of the bus and pulled a water bottle out of the mini-fridge.

“I wish you wouldn’t smoke so much.” Mikey said coughing a little.

“I’m quitting.” Gerard said not looking up from his page.

“Really?” Mikey asked apprehensively with a little bit of hope thrown in on the side.

“Yes, really.” Mikey rolled his eyes. A wasted gesture seeing as Gerard wasn’t looking at Mikey.

“When, Gee? Next month? After the tour? You know I have faith in you and I’ll support you no matter what, but don’t lie to me. If you’re not gonna quit, don’t tell me you quit.”

“Really, Mikey. This is my last cigarette.”

“Okay, I believe you.” Mikey sighed. “You know I adore you right?” Mikey asked. It has been twelve years since the night they made the promise to each other to not say love. And true to their word, neither boy had said it to each other since that night.

“I adore you too, Mikey.” Gerard said, finally looking up from the drawing. Ray came into the room behind Mikey and wrapped his arms around Mikey pinning his arms to his sides. Mikey had stopped automatically freaking out about people holding him a long time ago, but he still didn’t like it. It made him very uncomfortable and he wouldn’t relax in anyone’s arms. Mikey went ridged the moment he felt the arms wrap around him. Ray rested his chin on Mikey’s shoulder.

“You guys are weird.” Ray said. Gerard raised an eyebrow at Ray.

“What makes you say that?” Gerard asked him.

“I’ve noticed you guys never say ‘love’ to each other. That’s kinda weird. I mean you are brothers.” Gerard sat for a moment looking from Ray to Mikey and back. All the guys knew Mikey didn’t like being held and he really didn’t like being touched either. Usually they were pretty respectful of Mikey’s space and didn’t ask a lot of questions but sometimes they forgot or just wanted to get on Mikey’s nerves and knew that that was the fastest way to do it. Gerard wasn’t really sure which one Ray was right now. But he knew Mikey was about to have a melt down.

“Ray, let go of Mikey.” Ray lifted his head off Mikey’s shoulder and looked at his cheek.

“I’m not holding him. Why don’t you guys say ‘love’?” He asked.

“Ray, I’m serious, let him go and drop it.” Gerard said in a calm but shaky voice like he was trying to talk a volcano out of erupting. Mikey’s eyes were getting wide and his hands were curling into fists. If Ray didn’t back off soon Mikey would start shaking and his breathing would get erratic and he’d be sucked into a memory. If it got to that point one of two things would happen. Mikey’s body and mind would be so overwhelmed that he’d just pass out for a couple of hours. Or he would relive the memory, fully conscious. Screaming and crying and saying things Gerard and Mikey both never wanted anyone to hear. It had happened a few times, thankfully when Mikey had stayed conscious Gerard had been able to get him away quickly so no one heard anything they weren’t supposed to. But right now they were on a moving bus. There was nowhere Gerard could take Mikey where his screaming wouldn’t be heard. He had to get Ray to move. Gerard stood up.
“Get the fuck away from him, Toro!” Gerard yelled. Frank and Bob appeared in the doorway. Mikey was starting to shake. Ray dropped his arms from around Mikey.

“Okay, okay.” Ray held up his hands and stepped back a little. Mikey hadn’t moved. Gerard locked eyes with Mikey.

“It’s okay Mikey, he didn’t mean it.” Gerard said trying to calm Mikey down.

“I need out.” Mikey said quietly.

“It’s moving Mikey. We’re not gonna stop for another couple of hours, at least.” Bob said apologetically from the doorway.

“I’ll fix it Mikey.” Gerard told him not looking away from his eyes. Mikey visibly relaxed a little and walked to Gerard. He let his forehead fall onto Gerard’s shoulder and just stood there like that.

“I adore you.” Mikey said.

“I adore you.” Gerard replied. Mikey stayed like that for a few moments then without warning collapsed. Gerard caught him in his arms and struggled to hold him up. Frank rushed forward and together they slowly lowered Mikey to the floor.

“Mikey, Mikey, open your eyes. Mikey wake up please.” Ray had run to the front of the bus and was telling the driver that Mikey had collapsed and they needed to get him to a hospital and Bob was on the phone with Brian.

“Mikey, please, look at me!” Gerard begged his unconscious brother. Frank put a hand on Gerard’s shoulder.

“Gee, it’ll be alright. Just let’s get him on the couch and we’ll be at the hospital soon. Okay? Come on, He’ll be okay.” Frank and Gerard moved Mikey onto the couch and sat next to him.

“Why’s he like that Gerard?” Frank asked suddenly. Bob was off the phone now and Ray was back from his conversation with the driver and they were all looking at him expectantly.

“Why’s he like what?” Gerard asked defensively.

“Why doesn’t he like being touched? Why does he go stiff when you hug him? Why does he freak out if you hold onto him to long? He doesn’t even let you hold him.” Frank clarified.

“Mikey’s special. He needs space... room to breath and move. He’d rather touch then be touched. He’d rather hug then be hugged. He’d rather hold then be held. He needs things on his terms, or they don’t feel right. Compromise is a foreign concept to him. But only on a physical level, everything else he’ll adapt and compromise, but when it comes to contact… it has to be his way. It’s just how he is.” Gerard explained cryptically.

Someone had called ahead to the hospital and they were met outside of the emergency room entrance with a stretcher. Gerard held onto Mikey’s hand as they were rushed inside. Questions were being fired at Gerard and he was struggling to keep up with them and answer them all correctly.

“Did he have any allergies?”
“Did he have a history of fainting? If so what had been the cause?”
“Was he currently ill? Or had he been ill recently?”
“Was he on any medications?”
“Did he have any substance abuse issues?”
“When was the last time he ate?”
“Has he been eating regularly?”
“When was the last time he drank anything?”
“Does he sleep well?”

Gerard was getting dizzy. Frank grabbed his shoulders and held him back as they took Mikey away.

“No, I have to go with him!” Gerard said.

“No, Gerard, just stay out here and calm down. They’ll take care of him and figure out what is wrong and then they’ll come get you, but you need to just chill. We don’t want you getting overwhelmed too.” Frank said easily guiding Gerard into a chair. Gerard sat and stared straight ahead.

Mikey slipped his pajamas off and neatly folded them and put them on the bedside table. He climbed into bed under the sheets. Daddy would be in soon to ‘tuck him in’ and Mikey could already feel the tears coming. Daddy loved him; he was trying to make Mikey strong, like Gerard. Mikey just wished it didn’t hurt so much. Daddy came in and shut the door behind him. Mikey bit back a whimper. He was supposed to be strong! Daddy took his clothes off too and got into Mikey’s big boy bed with him. Daddy took the slippery stuff out of the bedside table. He put a hand on Mikey’s tummy and went down until he was touching his private place. Daddy put his lips on Mikey’s and put his tongue in Mikey’s mouth. When daddy pulled away Mikey had to pant to breathe.

“I love you, Mikey.” Daddy said. Daddy opened the slippery stuff and put some on his finger. Mikey started to cry as he lifted his legs up for daddy like he was supposed to.

“Good boy, Mikey.” Daddy pushed one big finger into Mikey.

“Ahh!” Mikey cried out. Daddy moved his finger in and out and Mikey cried harder. Daddy put more slippery stuff on and put more fingers inside Mikey.

“Daddy, it hurts! Please stop daddy, it hurts!” Mikey screamed when daddy pushed three fingers inside Mikey.

“Shh. I love you, Mikey, I love you.” Daddy push three fingers into Mikey, then stopped. Daddy put some slippery stuff on his private place and then put his private place inside Mikey.

“It hurts! It hurts daddy, it hurts!” Mikey screamed again. Mikey cried harder and still told daddy that it hurt. Daddy moved his private place in and out of Mikey like his fingers. After a few minutes Mikey got a little used to it, but it still hurt. Daddy made sounds like it hurt him too, but he didn’t cry, just made funny faces. Daddy moved in and out faster and then this white sticky stuff came out of Mikey. Daddy took his private place out of Mikey and lay down next to him and they caught their breath. Daddy grabbed the tissues and cleaned the white sticky stuff up, off of Mikey and himself. He helped Mikey put his pajamas back on and held the covers up for Mikey to get back in bed. Mikey lay down and daddy put his lips on Mikey’s again and put his tongue back in Mikey’s mouth. Daddy smiled at Mikey.

“I love you Mikey, goodnight.” Daddy left.

Mikey opened his eyes slowly. He was unmistakably in a hospital. His body felt heavy and all he really wanted was to close his eyes and go back to sleep, so he did. Mikey dreamt of daddy again. The next time he opened his eyes there was someone there. Mikey’s eyes focused and he saw Gerard sitting on his bed, Mikey’s hand resting on top of Gerard’s.

“Hey.” Mikey said sleepily.

“Hey.” Gerard said back. “How do you feel?”

“Rested.” Mikey said.

“Well, I hope so. You’ve only been sleeping for a day and a half. They said you collapsed from exhaustion. They had to sedate you some because you were having a nightmare and you were screaming and stuff. You scared me, Mikey.” Gerard said.

“I’m sorry, Gee. I just haven’t been sleeping lately…” Mikey looked away from Gerard.

“Why haven’t you been sleeping, Mikes?” Gerard was confused.

“Bad dreams keep me awake.” Mikey said still refusing to look at his brother.

“Mikey…”

“Gerard, please, don’t okay? …Just don’t.” Mikey pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. Gerard sighed. He knows this position. Mikey curls up when ever he doesn’t want to talk. He’ll stay that way until he’s sure that the offensive subject has been dropped.

“Okay, Mikey.”

~~~~~~~

Frank pushed his hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration.

“Mikey, how many times do you think it’ll take before you get this right?” He said. Mikey looked down and shook his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a little tired. Lets take a break and I’ll play it right next time, I promise.” Mikey said.

“Mikey…” Frank shook his head and walked out of the room.

~~~~~~~

Mikey pulled a plate out of the cabinet and started to make a sandwich. Gerard stood in the middle of the room watching Mikey.

“Mikey, we should tell.” Gerard didn’t need to elaborate. Mikey turned to him.

“No we shouldn’t.” He said coolly. Gerard just looked at him.

“Why, Gerard? Why should we tell? No one needs to know!”

“We should at least tell the guys. Then they would understand why they couldn’t do and say some stuff to you. It would be easier for me to protect you if they knew. We should tell, Mikey.”

“No! No. No, Gerard.” Mikey turned back to his food. Bob, Ray and Frank climbed onto the bus behind them, but they didn’t notice them.

“Mikey… I love you.” The whole room froze. Mikey dropped the knife in his hand and he slowly turned back to Gerard. Tears were beginning to trail down his cheeks.

“No.” He whimpered. Gerard shook his head.

“No, Mikey, not that kind of love. I would never do that to you. That’s not real love. I love you. Really love you.” Mikey slowly started to shake his head. His eyes flicked to the guys who were staring wide eyed at the scene.

“You… You promised.” Mikey whispered. “You fucking promised!” Mikey screamed. “Have you forgotten, Gerard? Have you forgotten what love is? Don’t you remember that night, and all those other nights? When we talked about love… and you fucking promised!” Mikey said staring at Gerard with wide, hurt eyes.

“I’m not eleven any more Mikey! I realize what it was now and you’re old enough you should realize too!” Mikey’s eyes flicked to the guys again.

“Gerard, stop.” Mikey said quietly.

“No, Mikey! I want them to know!”

“Gerard, please don’t do this. Just, please don’t say anything else and don’t say that again.”

“Mikey-“

“No, Gerard! It’s over! Just let it be over!”

“It’s fucking NOT over-“

“Yes it is!” They were screaming at each other now. Gerard paused.

“Then tell me Mikey, did you sleep last night?” Gerard said softly. Mikey hung his head.

“We have to tell.” Gerard said quietly stepping towards
Mikey. “Because I love you Mikey.” Mikey started to shake his head.

“Don’t love me Gerard. Love hurts remember? Love hurts. Please don’t love me. Please.”

“Mikey-“ Gerard looked back at the guys for the first time. He looked deep into their eyes. They were all curious and worried and a bit scared. But they all cared. Gerard thought about what he was about to do and took a deep breath. He looked back at Mikey.

“Mikey what daddy did to you was wrong. That’s not love Mikey. Daddy hurt you. Love doesn’t feel like that. That’s not love.” Mikey was still shaking his head. Mikey sank down to his knees.

“Daddy loves me. Daddy loves me. Daddy wants to make me strong, because I am weak. He just tries to make me strong. He loves me, he loves me. That’s what love is. That’s what love feels like. Love hurts Gerard! Love hurts! Please don’t love me.” Mikey sobbed and looked up at Gerard with pleading eyes.

“Mikey daddy doesn’t love you! Daddies who love their sons, don’t fuck their sons every night! ” Gerard sat down heavily where he stood. “Daddies who love their sons, don’t make their sons cry the way I listened to you cry. Every. Single. Night, Mikey. Every night I would listen to the way he made you cry and scream. That’s not love Mikey. It’s not. I know it’s not because I love you. I care about you more then anything in this whole wide fucking world. That’s love. I would do anything I could for you. That’s real love. Real love doesn’t hurt Mikey. Real love makes the hurt go away.” Mikey crawled to where Gerard was sitting. Mikey climbed into Gerard’s lap and curled against his chest.

“But, Gerard, if what daddy does isn’t love, why does he do it to me?” Gerard shook his head.

“I don’t know Mikey. But I know that it’s wrong.” They were quiet for a moment, then Gerard gasped.

“Mikey!…Does daddy still hurt you?” Mikey hung his head again.

“Daddy still loves me.” He mumbled.

“Mikey, that’s not love!” Mikey cringed.

“It’s all I’ve ever known love to be.” Mikey said softly.

~~~~~~~

A loud high pitched noise broke the quiet calm of the bus. They were all sitting in the front room doing their own thing. They all looked up as Gerard flipped his cell phone open and the noise stopped.

“Hi!” He said happily. His face fell.

“What’s wrong? ...what? …Oh my god. I-I… are you okay? No, we’ll be there as soon as we can… yeah… No, umm, I-I’ll tell him. Yeah, I love you, too. Yeah, bye.” Gerard closed the phone and put it down gently. He slowly raised his eyes to Mikey. Mikey’s eyes were wide and he wasn’t breathing.

“Mikey-“ Mikey started shaking his head. “Mikey, daddy died this morning.”

~~~~~~~

The funeral party filled the Way house. A mass of black buzzed through the rooms. It was all a blur. Gerard sat on the couch next to his mother, who was pale and fragile looking. His friends were close by. Mikey was no where to be found. Suddenly a piercing scream shattered the hushed murmuring. A loud crash followed. Gerard was up in an instant and running down the hall into Mikey’s room, his friends behind him. Gerard ran into the room and ducked quickly as a lamp flew passed his head and smashed against the wall.

“I fucking hate you! I’m glad you’re dead! I hate you!” Mikey was screaming and destroying anything he could reach. There were broken bits of porcelain everywhere from the- two it looks like- lamps that had met the wall. The bed sheets and blankets and pillows were thrown everywhere. Mikey pulled a small frame off the wall, in it was a child’s prayer. Mikey threw it like a Frisbee at the opposite wall.

“How could you fucking do that? I was a child you sick fuck! I hate you! I hate you! How- How c-could you?” He was losing steam now. Most of the room was destroyed. And Mikey had finally let it all out. Mikey stood in the middle of the demolished room and cried. His whole body shook with the force of his sobs. Mikey reached for Gerard.

“Hold me?” He whimpered. Gerard rushed forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Mikey. For the first time in fourteen years, Gerard hugged his baby brother.

“Hush, Mikey. Don’t cry, baby brother, daddy will never hurt you again, I promise.” Gerard started to cry as the words he’d wanted to say for years spilled from his lips.

“God, Gerard, please, tell me that isn’t love. Tell me that isn’t love.” Mikey gasped out through his curtain of tears.

“I love you, Mikey. And I would never hurt you like that. I love you.”

FIN.

A/N: I know it's dark and graphic(a bit) and if you got through the whole thing, congratulations! Again thank you to Erin cause I know she really doesn't care much for fics like this, but she still betaed and helped me get through it, so THANK YOU!

Everyones A Let Down It Just Depends On How Far Down They Can Go!

2007-03-07T04:47:10Z

So, first, hooray, Justin and I celebrated our six month anniversay last week! Yay! I love you, Angel! :)
Moving on. Tracie kind of has just stopped talking to me. It's really upsetting me. I wish that if she just didn't want to talk to me she would just tell me that she doesn't really want to talk to me right now and when and if that changes she'll give me a call. But just ignoring me, not returning calls, not returning emails, is really not the way to do it. I don't even know if I did something or shes just got shit going on right now and she doesn't have time or something like that. I just.. I don't know. ~~I bet she makes time for Alex though.~~ And the worst part is I can't just go over to her house and be like, 'Tracie, what the hell is up with you?' Why can't I do that? Well, cause I live like ~~a zillion~~ 400 miles away. I hate moving. I hate *bursts into song* dear old mom and daaaad! *unbursts into song*
*sigh* She introduced me to that movie. It's her favorite movie. Or at least it was before she stopped talking to me! This upsets me, can you tell?
Music kinda took over my life. I've gotten into so many new bands lately. One of my favoite slash authors turned me on to Cute Is What We Aim For and now I have their cd and I love them! And Kevin sent me a couple of HIM cds and, I was into them some before cause my friend Leah likes them, but now I looove them!
And just all the music I listen to... I've always got music on.

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Avenged Sevenfold
My Chemical Romance
Panic! At The Disco
The Academy Is...
Jack's Mannequin
Green Day
Boys Like Girls
Placebo
Korn
HIM
The Used
Fall Out Boy
All-American Rejects
Third Eye Blind
Paramore
The Sounds

Are a few of my favorites. One of the top five is always in my cd player.
*sigh* Okay, I have a ton of work to do. I think tonight I'll work to... Hmm, maybe Cute Is What We Aim For... Everyones a let down it just depends on how far down they can go!

Goodnight, people. I'm off to write in my habitat!

Keep Me Warm (one shot)

2007-03-03T06:51:50Z

Title: Keep Me Warm
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Zacky Vengeance
POV: Third
Summary: Ryan Ross is always cold! Zacky does something to keep him warm!
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Author Notes: Thanks to my lovely beta Erin, tryhonesty326! I love you! And to my momma for always being cold:P and to tastemyrainbow, cause I can and I want to! :D

“Zackyyyy! I’m cold!” Ryan whined from the couch in front of the TV. He was wearing sweat pants and a thick sweater, and had toe-socks on his feet (purple and orange polka dotted toe socks to be exact!) and gloves on his hands (hot pink and glittery), and there was a thin blanket wrapped around his small frame. Zacky rolled his eyes and looked over the laptop screen at Ryan, who was pouting in Zacky’s direction.

“You’re always cold!” Zacky said, pretending to be annoyed with Ryan.

“And you always make me warm again! Puh-leeeeease, Zacky!” Zacky sighed dramatically. He made a big show of getting off the computer and walked over to where Ryan was bundled up. He stood over Ryan and put his hands on his hips. Ryan looked up at Zacky and grinned widely at him.

“Hi!” Ryan said innocently, still grinning. Zacky sighed again.

“Fine!” He said. “But I get to pick what we watch next!”

“Okie-dokie, baby!” Ryan and Zacky refused to put a label on what they had together. They had started out as roommates. Then they got really close; they became the best of friends. They are more then roommates now. But they don’t call themselves boyfriends, and they hate the term ‘friends with benefits’. They kiss, and hug, and cuddle, and occasionally have sex. They talk and laugh and support each other, and each one is probably the only person who could handle living with the other. (Ryan with his exuberant, child-like personality, and Zacky with his strict, often surly demeanor, found they were a perfect match! Ryan taught Zacky to bend a little, to be flexible and that sometimes it’s okay to be silly. And Zacky showed Ryan that, sometimes you just need to be serious. A perfect balance.) And they both refuse to call what they do ‘dating’; they refuse to call it anything actually. They just… are.

Zacky put the movie he chose in (Airheads) and sat down next to Ryan.

“I’m cold!” Ryan demanded at Zacky and glared at him like it was entirely his fault. He looked and sounded like a three-year-old. Zacky grinned at him.

“I’m sorry. Come here.” He opened his arms to the smaller boy and Ryan crawled into Zacky’s arms. Ryan wrapped his arms around Zacky’s waist and Zacky wrapped his arms around Ryan’s neck and shoulders.

~ Some Time Later ~

Ryan let himself into the apartment carrying a plastic bag with lunch for himself and Zacky. He could hear music on in Zackys room, so he knew he was home. Ryan removed his coat and shoes at the door and put lunch on the table, then made his way to Zackys door. He knocked and then started to open the door, saying, ‘Zacky, I brought home lunch.’ But he’d barely started to open the door and had only gotten passed Zacky’s name when Zacky screeched.

“No, Ryan! Don’t come in!” Ryan pulled the door back immediately.

“If you’re naked don’t worry about it. I know it’s been awhile for me, but I wasn’t planning on jumpin’ on you, I swear!” Ryan heard Zacky giggle. “Well, anyway.” He said through the door. “I brought some bourbon chicken for lunch, if you’re hungry.” Ryan heard a muffled, ‘I’ll be right out’ and then he went back to the table to eat. Zacky joined Ryan a few minutes later.

“Hey, stranger! What were you doing in there?” Ryan asked and giggled. Zacky blushed.

“I’m working on a project.” Ryan grinned.

“Oh, really? What kind of project?”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be home during your lunch break.” Zacky said very obviously trying to change the subject.

“Yeah, well. I changed my mind. What’s the project you’re working on?” Zacky sighed.

“It’s something special. And yes, you will get to see it, but I really want it to be finished before you do. So you’ll just have to wait.” Zacky grinned.

~ A Few Days Later ~

Ryan was bundled up once again in front of the TV. Zacky grabbed the remote off of the coffee table and turned the TV off. Ryan looked up, glaring at Zacky.

“I’m watching that, fuckwit!” Ryan said still glaring. (He’d had a bad day.)

“Not anymore!” Zacky said smiling. “I have a present for you.” Ryan stopped glaring at Zacky.

“Really? What for?”

“Just because.” Zacky said and walked into his room. He came back with a box about the size of a shoebox in his hand. It was wrapped in silver wrapping paper with gold stars in various sizes scattered across it. Zacky threw the box to Ryan who caught it. Zacky sat down and watched Ryan. Ryan tore the paper away and pulled the top of the box off. He pulled away two layers of tissue paper and then gasped. He gently lifted the item out of the box and pushed it aside. Ryan ran his fingers across the soft material.

“Zacky, it’s beautiful!” Ryan said. He took one end and shook it out letting it unroll over the couch.

“You made this?” Zacky nodded, blushing a little. “I didn’t know you could crochet! It’s wonderful, Zacky!”

“Well, I just thought, you know, you get so cold. And you always forget to cover your neck so I thought you could use a scarf. So I made you one. Plus, if I’m ever not here to keep you warm when you need me to, that scarf should do the trick.” He smiled proudly. Ryan wrapped the scarf around his neck.

“But I still want you to keep me warm, too!” Ryan said. Zacky moved next to Ryan and wrapped his arms around him.

“I’ll try to keep you warm too!”

Comes across all shy and coy, just another nancy boy.(one-shot with a possible sequel)

2007-03-03T06:13:57Z

Title:Comes across all shy and coy,
just another nancy boy.

Author: fuckedupfangirl

Rating:NC-17

Pairing:Mikey/Bob/Gerard

POV:Third

Summary:Gerard was sitting quietly reading when, suddenly, there was a curtain of red blocking his vision, and being tied securely behind his head.

“M-Mikey?” Gerard said uncertainly.

Disclaimer:FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! TOTALLY FAKE!(except that it really happened....... in my head.)

Author Notes: First, Thank's to my beautiful beta, Erin(tryhonesty326)! She's a life saver, really!(cherry flavored!) lol
This is dedicated to my two friends perfect_devil and xsingersx! Without their genius this story never would have happened! Thank you guys soo much for coaxing me out of my shell and getting me to write my first smut fic ever! (Title and cut text(clips) from Nancy Boy by Placebo, and really doesn't have much to do with the story.)

WARNING:BDSM!(bondage, DOM/sub, sado-masochism) fisting, hot wax, incest, three-some. I think that about covers it, in short, don't like-don't read! You've been warned!

Mikey looked around the basement one more time, checking to make sure everything was just right. There was no special occasion, no specific reason for him surprise Gerard. Well, none but that he wanted to. And he knew he would love it!

White tea-light candles sat on the floor lining the walls. There were tea-lights laid out in random shapes all over the open floor and a big circle in the middle of the room. The circle was lined with a half dozen red taper candles.

Bob came down the stairs behind Mikey. Mikey turned and smiled at him.

“What’s he doing?” Mikey asked.

“Still reading.” Bob said, walking up and resting his hands on Mikey’s waist.

“Are you ready?” Mikey asked.

“Whenever you are.” Mikey pressed his lips to Bob’s briefly.

“We’ll be right back.” He said.

Gerard was sitting quietly reading when, suddenly, there was a curtain of red blocking his vision, and being tied securely behind his head.

“M-Mikey?” Gerard said uncertainly.

“Shhh, It’s okay, GeeGeeBear.” Mikey whispered into his ear. “Do you trust me Gerard?”

“M-More then anything.” Gee said.

“Good. I have a surprise for you, GeeGeeBear.” Mikey took the comic Gerard had been read and set it aside. He put his hands on Gerard’s shoulders, and slid them down. From his shoulders down over his cloth covered chest and nipples and down over his stomach to the bottom of Gee’s shirt. Mikey grabbed the bottom of the shirt and pulled it up off of Gerard. Mikey kissed Gee’s ear, nipping gently at the lobe and running his tongue along the curve on the inside. Gee moaned quietly. Mikey moved so he was in front of Gerard. Mikey took Gerard’s hands and tied them together at the wrist, with the same silky material that covered his eyes.

“Mikey?”

“You said you trust me. You do, don’t you, Gee?”

“I do! I do.”

“Okay, Gee, just in case, the safe word is ‘monkey’.”

“O-Okay.” Gerard said smiling.

“You say ‘monkey’ and everything stops, okay? What’s the safe word?”

“Monkey.” Mikey smiled.

“Good.” Mikey helped Gerard stand up, and led him over to the stairs to the basement.

“Okay, Gee, we’re going down stairs. Just take it slow.” Mikey slowly helped Gerard down the stairs. Once on level ground again, Mikey took Gee’s arm and lead him to the middle of the circle, in the center of the room.

“Now, Gerard, one more time. What’s the safe word?” Mikey asked.

“Monkey.”

“Okay.” Mikey curled his fingers tightly into Gerard’s soft hair and pushed their lips together bruisingly. Gerard moaned as Mikey’s tongue explored his mouth hungrily. Mikey smiled against Gee’s lips and pulled away. Gerard stood uncertainly for a moment, alone in the middle of the room. Suddenly arms wrapped tightly around Gerard from behind. Gerard gasped. Those were not Mikey’s arms. He was about to say something when Mikey started talking. He sound like he was across the room.

“There are a few rules you have to follow Gerard, or you’ll be punished.” Mikey said. A shiver ran through Gerard even though the room was comfortably warm.

“Rule One. You can’t touch us.”

“U-Us?” Gerard asked. A finger was touched to his lips.

“Shh.” was whispered into his ear. The hands ran down Gerard’s arms to his tied together wrists. They grabbed his wrists and pulled them up over his head, where they were secured. The hands ran down Gerard’s bare sides making him squirm.

“Rule Two.” Mikey said standing right in front of Gee. “You can’t. make. a sound. Not one sound, Gerard. Understand?” Gee swallowed and nod. He felt the hands resting on his stomach move lower and unbutton and unzip his pants. The hands slid down over Gee’s hips and down his legs taking his jeans and boxers with them.

“You’re dying to know. I bet that’s all you can think of right now. Who is it? Who is it? Who’s hands are..” The hands slid up the back of Gerard’s legs, stopping at his ass to caress and knead the milky white, satin skin. “..touching you.” Mikey whispered against Gee’s ear, causing shivers to run up and down his spine. The mix of sensations was driving Gerard wild and he had to fight hard to keep from gasping and moaning. With the combination of Mikey’s hot breath ghosting over his ear and the hands massaging every part of his body they could reach, it was a wonder he had any control over anything.

“Do you have any guesses, Gee? Any idea who it could be?” The hands discovered Gerard’s nipples just then. Gerard bit his lip to keep from moaning as his nipples were not so gently pinched and rolled between the hands’ fingers. Suddenly the hands became not only hands, but lips and teeth and a tongue. The tip of the tongue trailed lightly down the back of Gerard’s neck and along his left shoulder. The teeth bit lightly at his shoulder and the lips were pressed to the same spot. Gerard almost let out a loud, ‘oh’ of realization when he felt the cold lip ring on the bottom lip to the right and the coarse facial hair press to his shoulder along with the lips.

“You know now. Don’t you, Gee?” Gerard nod. Bob’s fingers fell from their torture of Gee’s nipples and traced lightly around Gee’s hips and lower back. Bob began kissing, licking, sucking, biting his way down Gerard’s back, excruciatingly slowly.

Mikey put his hands on either side of Gerard’s neck and stroked Gee’s jaw with his thumbs.

“You look so pretty like this, Gee. So, hot. Insanely fuckable. All tied up.” Mikey bit Gerard’s bottom lip lightly. “Vulnerable.” Mikey’s hands left Gerard’s throat and slipped down to his chest.

“I have a question for you, Gerard.” Mikey pinched and twist Gee’s nipples, not bothering to be gentle. Gerard’s mouth fell open and his head fell back.

“Do you like pain?” Mikey sucked on Gee’s exposed throat, feeling the blood rapidly pumping beneath the skin. Mikey pulled away and grabbed Gerard’s hair and pulled his head up.

“Do you?” Gerard nod quickly. Mikey drug his nails slowly across Gerard’s chest, leaving four stinging horizontal scratch marks. Gee grit his teeth to keep from whimpering. Mikey kissed Gerard’s lips passionately. And then was gone.

Bob had just made it to the satin soft skin of Gerard’s ass, when Mikey’s voice sound from across the room again.

“Enough, Bob.” Bob caressed the soft skin once more and moved away from Gerard. Gerard pout his lips while biting back a whimper of disappointment. He heard Bob chuckle.

“Do you want some one to be touching you, Gerard?” Bob asked in a playful teasing way. Gee pout his lips more and nod.

“Bob,” Mikey said. “Why don’t you go ‘decorate’ Gerard.” Bob stood in front of Gee and put his hands on Gerard’s hips. He leaned in close and whispered in his ear.

“Mikey was right. You do look pretty and hot and,” he bit Gerard’s ear. “Insanely fuckable, like this.” Suddenly Bob drew his fingernails across Gee’s stomach harshly. He almost screamed but caught himself in time. Bob lightly kissed the stinging scratches. He moved his hands to Gerard’s thighs. Gerard’s whole body tensed in anticipation. Bob’s devious mouth went to work again. He trailed kisses along the inside of Gerard’s thigh, carefully avoiding any contact with Gee’s stiff erection. Gerard’s body relaxed and Bob’s nails drug down the inside of Gee’s left thigh. Gerard cringed. Bob repeat the process on the other side; it took almost twice as long to get Gerard to relax the second time. Gerard grid his teeth together as Bob finished ‘decorating’ his right thigh. Mikey pressed his palm to Gee’s cheek gently.

“You’re being such a good boy, Gee!” Bob’s hands left Gerard’s thigh as he moved away so Mikey could stand in front Gee. Mikey’s finger’s traced lightly over the scratches on Gerard’s chest.

“Bob, hand me that.” Mikey said, pointing to one of the red taper candles. Mikey pushed Gerard’s head back and nipped at his neck. Bob hand Mikey the candle. Mikey held the candle close to Gerard’s chest and tipped the candle so the hot, red wax dripped down onto the still stinging scratches. Gerard’s head snapped forward and he whimpered. Mikey slapped Gee across the face.

“Quiet, Gerard!” he said sternly. Mikey dripped more wax on to Gerard’s chest and watched it roll over the scratches. He blew on the hot wax and watched it cool and harden. Gerard balled his hands into fists as the wax was dripped onto his chest and then his stomach. Mikey kneeled in front of Gerard. He kissed up Gerard’s thigh where Bob had left the scratches. He lowered the candle to the top of the scratches and let the wax pour onto Gee’s leg. The wax rolled down diagonally across all four stinging marks. Mikey blew on the wax and it hardened on Gee’s leg. Gee fought back a hiss as Mikey gave his other leg the same treatment. Mikey put the candle back in it’s place and went back to Gerard.

“You’ve done so well, Gee!” Mikey easily untied the scarf around Gerard’s eyes. Gees eyes adjust quickly to the dim candle light filling the room. He looked around in wonder. The candle’s all around cast flickering stories over the walls, never the same story twice, Gees eyes widened with a child-like delight. Mikey watched Gerard take in the room with a smile. Gees eyes fell on the camera in the corner of the room and he looked to Mikey with the same wide-eyed expression, this time his eyes filled with questions.

“Don’t worry about it right now, Gee.” Mikey told Gerard. He turned away and started talking to Bob. But Gerard wasn’t listening, his eyes had just fallen on Mikey’s naked body and his attention was brought to his aching, almost painful, erection. Gee almost whimpered again with desperate need, but didn’t. Mikey turned back to Gerard.

“Checking me out, Gee?” Mikey giggled. Oh, Hell! Giggled! Gerard almost came right then. Mikey was whispering in Gerard’s ear again, he seemed to like to do that, specially knowing what it did to Gee.

“You need it. Don’t you Gerard? You want it so badly. Want someone to touch you. Stroke you. Suck you.” Mikey smirked as he pulled back and saw Gee biting his lip. Bob brushed his hand over Gerard’s ass again. Gee jumped but didn’t make a sound. Bob gently began to prepare Gerard. Slowly pressing one lubricated finger into Gerard at a time, stretching him well. Mikey and Bob looked at each other for a moment. Then Mikey looked back at Gerard. He stroked Gerard’s cheek with his thin fingers.

“Relax, Gee. We don’t want to make this hurt.” Mikey touched the fine satin scarf to Gerard’s cheek. He slid the material down his neck and across Gerard’s collarbone. Mikey brushed the dry wax off Gerard’s skin. Gee watched as Mikey softly ran the deep crimson fabric over his chest. The cool soft satin brushing gently over the still slightly stinging scratches.

“Does that feel good Gerard?” Mikey asked as the satin brushed chastely over Gerard’s nipples. Bob slipped a second finger into Gerard. He tensed slightly but relaxed again quickly.

“Answer me, Gerard.” Mikey said somewhat forcefully, without raising his voice. Gerard and Mikey’s eyes met and Gerard nod. Mikey smiled.

“Good boy. Now Gee, Bob and I, we want to try something. But we don’t want to hurt you. So if it hurt’s too much, tell us and we’ll stop.” Mikey kissed Gerard’s collar bone.

“That means you’re aloud to make sound now. But I have a new rule for you.” Mikey flicked his tongue across Gerard’s nipple. A small gasp tumbled from Gerard’s lips and he smiled. Bob now had three fingers comfortably inside Gerard. Gerard pushed back slightly onto Bob’s fingers.

“More, Gerard?” Bob asked.

“Yes.”

Mikey’s mouth was still attending to Gerard’s nipple, but he pulled away when Bob said loudly, “Oh, fuck!”

Gerard moaned.

“What?” Mikey asked.

“Look.” Mikey leaned around Gerard. Bob’s entire hand had disappeared inside him. Mikey and Bob looked at each other.

“He’ll have no problem.” Bob said. Mikey stood back in front of Gerard, smirking at him. Gerard moaned as Bob’s hand began to move in him.

“Well, Gee. I have to say, I never thought you’d be one for fisting. But we still have that rule to get to, don’t we? Are you listening to me Gerard? This is important.” Gerard was breathing heavily so he just looked at Mikey and nod.

“Rule three. No matter what happens, no matter what’s done, until I tell you to, you do not cum. Understand? No. matter. what.” Mikey said authoritatively.

“Yes, Mikey.” Gerard said breathlessly. Bob stood up behind Gerard. He peeled the rubber glove he’d been wearing off and threw it away. He grabbed two condoms and gave one to Mikey. Mikey let go of the red satin scarf he’s been holding to Gerard’s chest and it fluttered down Gee’s body. It slid over Gees erection before falling to the floor. Gerard whimpered at the contact. Mikey and Bob had both slipped on their condoms and were now standing on either side of Gerard, Mikey in front of him.

“Are you ready, Gerard?” Mikey and Bob’s hands were all over Gerard.

“Yes! Yes, please!” Gerard moaned. Mikey grabbed Gerard’s hips.

“Wrap your legs around my waist.” Gerard put one leg around Mikey’s waist and with Mikey and Bob supporting his hips, he easily wrapped the second one around too. Gerard’s erection was rubbing against Mikey’s stomach, Gerard moaned.

“Remember the rules Gerard.” Mikey said breathlessly. Bob guided Mikey’s erection to Gerard’s entrance, and Mikey thrust forward into Gerard. They both let out low moans. Mikey stopped and leaned back a little so he could look at Gerard.

“Okay, Bob and I, we’re going to fuck you at the same time, Gerard. If it hurts too much, let us know and we’ll stop, ‘kay?” Mikey said.

“Yes, Mikey.” Gerard moaned. Bob kissed the back of Gerard’s neck, and grabbed his hip holding him and Mikey still. Bob slowly pushed into Gerard, rubbing his and Mikey’s erections together. Mikey moaned lowly again. Gerard whimpered into Mikey’s shoulder. Bob grabbed Mikey’s hips under Gerard’s legs and pressed his chest to Gerard’s back. He slowly pulled out and pushed back in, letting Gerard adjust slowly. Gerard leaned his head back against Bob’s shoulder and turned to look at him. Bob pressed his lips to Gerard’s hard.

“Faster.” Mikey pant. Bob started thrusting his hips. Mikey started moving too, so that every time Bob pulled out he would thrust in. Gerard moaned against Bob’s lips. Bob tightened his hold on Mikey’s hips a little bit, which slightly repositioned Gerard’s hips. Gerard pulled away from Bob’s lips.

“Oh, fuck!” Gerard moaned out, as Bob and Mikey repeatedly hit his prostate. Mikey took Gerard’s erection and began teasingly rubbing him.

“Mikey! I’m gonna-“

“Don’t you dare, Gerard. I haven’t told you to yet.”

“Oh, fuck! Yes!” Gee moaned. Bob began moaning, behind Gerard.

“Almost. There.” He grunted.

“Me to.” Mikey moaned. Mikey and Bob’s thrusts became erratic as they neared their peak. Bob bit into Gerard’s shoulder as he came. He continued to thrust into Gerard while riding out his orgasm. Mikey thrust into Gerard once more and stopped moving as he came moaning Gerard’s name loudly.

“Mikey, please!” Gerard whimpered. Mikey locked eyes with Gerard and started to stroke his straining erection slowly. Mikey soaked in the delicious whimpers falling from Gerard’s lips and the way his eyes begged for sweet release.

“Come for me, Gerard. Now!” Gerard exploded onto Mikey’s hand and stomach on command.

“Mikey!” Gerard moaned as Mikey continued to stroke him until his orgasm was over. Gerard lay limply back against Bob’s chest. Bob untied Gerard’s hands and they all carefully sunk to the floor, lying down together. Mikey stroked Gerard’s cheek as they all lay there tangled up in each other, Mikey and Bob still comfortably inside Gerard.

“Surprise, GeeGeeBear.” Mikey whispered, lying his head on Gerard’s chest. Bob lay his arm over Gerard and Mikey and pressed a kiss to the back of Gerard’s head. Gerard sighed contentedly. They fell asleep like that, completely wrapped up in each other.

~THE END.~

A/N: Okay, so it's my very first ever smut fic! Be brutally honest, please. Con-crit welcomed and appreciated! Please, if you see something that can be improved, tell me! All comment's replyed! Thank you for reading I hope you liked!

Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish (epilogue)

2007-03-03T06:09:41Z

Title: Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish (Epilogue!)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: G-PG
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie(cause I'm original like that)
POV: Third.
Summary: Brendon's nightmare's are finally over.
Disclaimer: Okay, so, here’s the thing. My mind lost its reality button awhile back, so this could all be true. Possibly. But let’s play it safe and say that it's absolutely not true! 'Kay? Thanks!
Author Notes: Love to my beta, tryhonesty326. Dedication to every person who read this story and commented and supported me writing it! You are the reason I write! Thank you! Title from My Chemical Romance song You Know What They Do to Guys like Us in Prison. Cut text from Van Halen song Dreams. Enjoy!

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Brendon clutched the pillow to his chest tightly. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and stretched out, groaning. He smiled over at the lace curtains, letting the early morning sunlight pour into the room. He sighed and turned over under the warm covers.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Ryan said. His head was propped up on his hand and he was watching Brendon. Brendon moved closer to Ryan and cuddled against his chest.

“I had the weirdest dream, baby.” Brendon mumbled sleepily against Ryan.

“Oh, yeah? What was it about?” Ryan wrapped his arms around Brendon and kissed the top of his head.

“Well, it’s getting fuzzy now. You know how dreams do after you wake up? But, I remember you kept dying. And, in my dream, I was dreaming… and, I don’t know, I kept getting really scared. But you were there, and you made it better. I don’t know, like I said it was weird…” Brendon trailed off.

“I kept dying in your dream?” Ryan asked.

“Well, you kept dying in the dreams in my dream…” Brendon leaned back and looked into Ryan’s face. Ryan blinked several times.

“That is weird Brendon.” He said and then started laughing. Brendon grinned.

“I love you, Ryan.” Brendon touched his lips lightly to Ryan’s.

“I love you, too, Brendon.” Ryan stretched. Brendon watched him.

“You wouldn’t ever actually do that to me would you?” Brendon asked after Ryan finished stretching. Ryan looked confused.

“Do what?”

“Die. Leave me all alone like that? You wouldn’t do that to me would you?” Brendon said. Ryan stroked Brendon’s cheek and kissed him.

“I won’t ever leave you, Brendon, I love you.” Ryan whispered sweetly and kissed Brendon again. Brendon closed his eyes and sighed cuddling up to Ryan once more. Ryan wrapped his arms around Brendon and they drifted back to sleep together, dreaming sweet dreams of each other.

AN: AH! At last the end! Tons of love to my sister, Erin, who made time to beta for me, even though we both know there are a thousand other things you could have done with the time! And to the amazing Justin! Whom, without I am going crazy and taking everyone else along for the ride! Come back to me soon, I miss you! I love you! To my readers, THANK YOU! I really can't thank you enough!!!
I hope you loved it! If you did, please let me know. And if you didn't, I'd still like to hear from you. Maybe tell me what you thought could be better. All comments are appreciated! Thank you.
-MK.

Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish (3/3)

2007-03-03T06:09:07Z

Title: Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: G-PG
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie(cause I'm original like that)
POV: Third.
Summary: Brendon has a reoccurring nightmare.
Disclaimer: Okay, so, here’s the thing. My mind lost its reality button awhile back, so this could all be true. Possibly. But let’s play it safe and say that it's absolutely not true! 'Kay? Thanks!
Author Notes: Love to my beta, tryhonesty326. Title from My Chemical Romance song You Know What They Do to Guys like Us in Prison. Cut text from Green Day song Are We The Waiting . Enjoy!

Part One

Part Two

Brendon turned in his seat to look at Ryan. They were in their car heading home. Ryan had taken Brendon out to dinner. The night had been wonderful and exhausting. Ryan was hoping that when they got home, and by the time they were ready to sleep, Brendon would be too tired to dream tonight. And maybe he could sleep through the night for the first time this week.

Brendon studied Ryan's profile as he drove.

“Do you realize how beautiful you are?” Brendon said. Ryan glanced at him surprised. Then smiled at him.

“You tell me a lot. I’m still not entirely convinced.” Ryan looked back to the road.

“You are! Every part of you is beautiful. Your hair, your eyes, your neck, your belly button. Your hands.” Brendon took Ryan's right hand into his. Brendon held Ryan's hand as if it were the most precious thing in the world. He turned it slowly, running his fingers over Ryan's palm and over his finger tips and across the back of his hand. Brendon pressed soft kisses to Ryan's palm and one to each finger, before weaving the fingers of his left hand into Ryan's right. Brendon had been so engrossed in the study of Ryan's hand that he didn’t notice the car had stopped.

“Brendon.” Ryan said softly. “I need my hand back.”

“Why?” Brendon asked without looking up.

“Because I want to take you home and take you to bed. But we need gas to get there and to get gas I need my hand.” Ryan said as he stroked Brendons cheek with his unoccupied hand. Brendon let go of Ryan's hand and looked up into Ryan's eyes.

“Okay.” He said smiling. Ryan kissed Brendon and got out of the car. Brendon looked around. His breath caught in his throat.

“No.” Brendon said. He looked over to the other car that was at the pump next to them, the only other car in the station. A young man. Nervous. Just like Brendon remembered from his dream. Brendon jumped out of the car and ran to Ryan.

“Brendon, what’s wrong? You’re white! What is it?” Ryan's eyes were wide.

“You love me. I know that, Ryan, how much do you love me?” Brendon asked looking into Ryan's eyes.

“I love you… I love you more than air. Brendon, why? What’s going on?” Brendon teared up at the analogy.

“I just wanted to look at you. And I have one more question. Do you believe in fate, or do you think we make our own destiny?”

“I-I guess, we make our own destiny. Or maybe it’s a crazy combination of the two. But I have a hard time believing that I have no control over what happens in my life.” Brendon kissed Ryan passionately, then took several steps back.

“I love you, Ryan.” Brendon turned away from Ryan and walked to the other car.

“Excuse me do you have the time?” Brendon asked as he got closer. The young man looked at Brendon.

“Umm, no.” He said. Brendon stopped next to the pump.

“Listen,” Brendon said, his voice low. He looked at the ground and then back up into the scared eyes of the young man. “How old are you?” The man hesitated.

“Nineteen.” Brendon didn’t look away from his eyes even though he was clearly making him uncomfortable.

“Do you really want to throw your life away and maybe take others with you? I-I don’t know why you have that gun… Or why you want to take it into the store. I don’t know anything about you… but I do know if you go in there, both our lives are over. So why don’t you let me take care of paying for your gas and you go home and think about your life, please.” Brendon pleaded with him. He looked away from Brendon.

“You’re right… you don’t know anything about me. Maybe I do want to throw my life away, and maybe I want to take the world with me!” He turned and walked away from Brendon and into the store. Brendon looked over to his and Ryan's car. Ryan wasn’t there. Brendon looked to the store.

“It’s not fate. It’s not fate. We make our own destiny. It’s not fate.” Brendon said. Brendon stood looking at the store only for a moment. Then he walked toward it almost defiantly. He threw the door open and walked inside.

AN: It took me longer to get this chapter up then what I meant for it to, sorry. I'm not sure I really like this chapter, but oh well. The epilouge is still in the works, but I hope to have it finished, beta'd and posted very soon. Thanks to everyone who has commented and everyone who has helped me with the story! I hope you liked it! If you did, please let me know. And if you didn't, I'd still like to hear from you. Maybe tell me what you thought could be better. All comments are appreciated! Thank you.
-MK.

Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish (2/3)

2007-03-03T06:08:27Z

Title: Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish (2/3)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating: G-PG
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie(cause I'm original like that)
POV: Third.
Summary: Brendon has reoccurring nightmares.
Disclaimer: Okay, so, here’s the thing. My mind lost its reality button awhile back, so this could all be true. Possibly. But let’s play it safe and say that it's absolutely not true! 'Kay? Thanks!
Author Notes: Love to my beta, tryhonesty326. Dedication to my amazing boyfriend! For being super supportive and always being there, I love you, Angel! And to everyone who asked me to continue this story! Thank you all! Title from My Chemical Romance song You Know What They Do to Guys like Us in Prison. Cut text from The Verve Pipe song The Freshmen. Enjoy!

Part One

Ryan leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Brendon’s.

“I love you, I’ll be back later, baby.” Ryan said walking to the door.

“I love you, Ryan.” Brendon always said it that way. Always, ‘I love you, Ryan.’ Not, ‘I love you.’ Or ‘I love you, too.’ No, always ‘I love you, Ryan.’ Ryan paused at the door and turned back to look at Brendon. Brendon looked up from the juice he was pouring when he didn’t hear the door open or close. Ryan stood at the door smiling and just looking at Brendon.

“What?” Brendon asked smiling.

“Tell me you love me. One more time before I go.” The world froze. Brendons heart stopped and he stood staring wide eyes at Ryan. He paled instantly. The glass he had been pouring his juice into, slipped from his hand and shattered on the floor.

“W-What?”

“Brendon? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ryan moved quickly back into the house, taking his coat off. “Don’t move. Did you cut yourself?” Ryan grabbed a few towels from the hall closet and carefully began cleaning up the broken glass and juice that had gone everywhere.

Ryan took his time, carefully going over the whole floor making sure to get all the glass. When he was finished, he walked up to Brendon who had not moved an inch, and put his hand on Brendons shoulder.

“Brendon?” Brendon was shaking slightly. And he was so pale he was almost a sick white color. He looked into Ryan's eyes.

“Don’t leave me.” Brendon started.

“Brendon, we talked about this last night remember? I’m not going anywhere I promise.” Ryan was looking worried. “Brendon, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” Ryan asked pleadingly.

“Just, please Ryan, don’t leave me alone today. Stay here with me please? Please, Ryan?” Tears were filling Brendon's eyes.

“Of course! Of course, Brendon. I’ll stay with you. Come on.” Ryan took Brendons hand in his and pulled him gently from the kitchen into their bedroom. Ryan kicked his shoes off and pushed Brendon towards the bed, walking over to the book-case himself. Ryan pulled out Cinderella (the Disney version, of course) and put it into the DVD player before joining Brendon on the bed. They curled up together, as much of there bodies touching each other as possible.

The movie was almost over and Brendon was fast asleep, curled comfortably into Ryan's arms. Ryan pressed a kiss to Brendon's forehead and closed his eyes, listening to Brendon breath. Soon he was fast asleep too.

Brendon laced his fingers with Ryan's and kissed the back of his hand as Ryan pulled into a gas station. Ryan got out and started pumping the gas. Brendon looked around. There was only one other car in the station at the pump next to them. The driver was a young man, who kept glancing around nervously. Ryan finished pumping the gas and leaned in the car. His kissed Brendon shortly.

“You want anything while I’m inside?”

“No, I’m alright, thank you.” Ryan leaned forward and kissed Brendon again.

“I love you, Brendon.”

“I love you, Ryan.” Ryan walked away into the store. Brendon looked over to the other car. The young man was no where to be seen. Brendon looked around the car nervously. He bit the inside of his lip. Something didn’t feel right…

BANG! BANG!

Brendon looked up sharply to the store. The young man came running out and jumped in his car. Brendon was out of the car in record time. He ran to the glass door and threw it open. Everything behind the counter was covered in a thick dark red liquid. Brendon looked around.

“Ryan!” He called frantically. “Ryan?! Where are you?”

“Brendon.” Ryan’s voice called weakly from behind the counter. Brendon ran to Ryan. The attendant lay, unmoving in a pool of blood, a few feet away. Ryan had his hands pressed to his chest. Brendon pulled his hands away and saw the same dark red liquid that covered the walls and floor, seeping from Ryans body.

“Ryan. Ryan! No, no, no!”

“Brendon, I can’t breathe.” Ryan coughed and blood started to run from his mouth.

“Brendon, I love you.”

“No, no. Hold on, you can’t go. You said you wouldn’t, remember? You said, you said!” Brendon held Ryan to his chest, Ryan's blood soaking Brendon. “I love you, Ryan. Don’t go, you said you would stay!” Brendon looked down into Ryan's eyes. “Please, stay. Just breath, don’t talk. Stay, please.” Ryan took a labored breath.

“Love… you…” His eyes closed and his head fell back.

Brendon sat up quickly. He was panting, he couldn’t breath. His clothes were soaked in Ryan's blood and was clinging to him tightly. Brendon started screaming and clawing desperately at his clothes. He had to get them off! He had to get Ryan's blood off! Hands grabbed Brendons wrists and stopped them from pulling frantically at the shirt. Brendon looked down at the hands then followed them up. Up the arms, over the shoulders, across the neck and up to Ryan's face.

“Ryan!” Brendon pulled his hands out of Ryan's. He pulled Ryan's shirt up and ran his fingers over the perfect unmarked flesh. “Ryan, Ryan! Can you breathe? Are you alright? Cough!” Ryan just looked at Brendon.

“Okay, you’re okay. Help me get this blood off will you?” Brendon looked down at the blood soaked clothes sticking to his body. But it wasn’t blood… it was sweat… Brendon looked back up at Ryan, confused.

“A-another dream?” Brendon said quietly. Ryan nodded. Ryan pulled Brendon into his arms.

“Brendon, what were you dreaming?” Ryan asked softly.

“You died.” Brendon said, simply. Brendon started to cry again.

“Ryan, please make the dreams stop. I’m sick of being scared. I don’t want to see you die every time I close my eyes.” Brendon whimpered into Ryans chest.

“Brendon, baby, if only I knew how, I would. In an instant I would I swear.” Ryan took deep breaths trying to keep his tears back. He hated that Brendon kept dreaming of his death. It scared him so much, even if he didn’t admit it. Ryan looked to the ceiling, praying silently to what ever God would answer his prayer, that Brendon would stop crying so much, stop hurting so much, stop dreaming so much. He blinked away his tears and held tightly to Brendon.

“I love you, Brendon.” Ryan whispered into Brendon’s hair.

“I love you, Ryan.” Brendon sighed back. “Please, promise me you won’t leave me?”

“I promise, Brendon. I won’t leave you. I’d promise it everyday, if you asked me to.” Brendon pressed his lips to Ryan's, and looked into his eyes. They laid down together, holding each other close and staring into each others eyes, peacefully. Thankfully not sleeping.

AN: Sorry it took so long. The final part of the story will be up soon and then there will be an epilogue. I hope you liked it! If you did, please let me know. And if you didn't, I'd still like to hear from you. Maybe tell me what you thought could be better. All comments are appreciated! Thank you.
-MK.

Pain In My Heart For Your Dying Wish (1/3)

2007-03-03T06:07:23Z

Landslide (oneshot)

2007-03-03T06:06:08Z

Title: Landslide

Author: fuckedupfangirl

Rating: PG-13

Warning: Intense themes. Violence. Character death.

Pairing: Pick-Your-Own.

POV: First Person.

Summary: You know how sometimes people say, “I just snapped.”? Well, that’s not what’s happening.

Disclaimer:Umm, yeah don't own anything. It's totally fake.

Author Notes:Usually I detest 'Pick-Your-Own-Pairing' stories. But I tried writing this story with at least ten different pairings and it just would not write right. So I did it this way, and I think it's just right.

This was inspired by and based on the song 'It Ends Tonight' By The All-American Rejects. I guess it could be considered a song-fic.
Thanks to my beta tryhonesty326! Love you!

Con-Crit totally welcomed and appreciated!

THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS LYRICS

"It Ends Tonight"

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

He brought his hand down across my cheek again. It stung dully. I honestly don’t know what I did this time but whatever it was, he is pissed. He stumbles over to the couch and falls onto it. I sit on the floor where he’s left me and watch as he finishes off another beer. I’d lost count several hours ago, but I know he’s well into the double digits. I sit quietly and watch as he drinks himself into unconsciousness. I pick myself up and stand at the end of the couch. I study the once beautiful boy, quietly. He used to have such soft beautiful pink lips, the kind that begged to be kissed. Now they were neglected, chapped and peeling. And his once porcelain pale, perfect, soft skin, now just looked sallow and sickly. His eyes, when open, no longer had that brightness, that special twinkle. They seemed dead.

‘Everything’s changed.’ I thought. ‘He used to treat me like glass.’

‘You’re the most precious thing in the world.’ I remember him telling me. I don’t remember a moment when everything changed. I don’t remember the first time he hit me. I don’t remember when the man I loved died. And I don’t remember when this person took his place. I guess it all happened while I wasn’t looking, maybe while I slept.

As I stand staring at this stranger, I feel something inside me change. You know how sometimes people say, “I just snapped.”? Well, that’s not what’s happening. I feel like something broke. Just collapsed and began crumbling, as if under pressure. And as whatever it is crumbles, it gains momentum. And soon it is a landslide.

I walked quickly out of the room and came back with about ten bottles. I drop the bottles onto his legs and pick back up the lighter fluid. I douse the couch generously with fluid making sure to get the bottles of chemicals as I go. I pour the lighter fluid on the floor all around the couch. I grab the half empty liquor bottle off of the coffee table and pour that everywhere too. I really don’t know what I am doing. All that make’s sense right now is that landslide. He hurt me, he broke me, and he caused the landslide. And I won’t ever let it happen again.

I pull out the matches I stuffed in my pocket when I got the chemicals. I light one and throw the rest onto him. I watch the flame for a moment, and then let it slip out of my fingers.

The fire grows quickly. It sucks the oxygen out of the room, replacing it with a thick black haze. I breath deeply letting the haze fill me. Soon I’m full of the blackness and I pass out.

My boyfriend and I both died today, just before sunrise. They say it was the fire that killed us. But they’re all wrong. Our cause of death was not fire. We were buried… under a landslide.

Because I Love You (2/2)

2007-03-03T06:05:11Z

Title:Because I Love You (2/2)
Author:fuckedupfangirl
Rating:pg13, Language
Pairing:Ryan/Brendon
POV:Third
Summary:. “I remember everything.” Ryan’s face had gone back to being expressionless.
“Ryan?”
“Brendon, did I kill my dad?”
Disclaimer:FAKE!
Author Notes: Here it is. The last part! Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story. And thank you to everyone who read my story, even if you didn't review! Thank you again to my Beta, tryhonesty326! And this is dedicated to my boyfriend, Angel! I love you, honey! And I know you usually don't venture outside of your H/D slash so if you're reading this thank you for giving it a try!(Cut Text courtesy of Cemetery Drive-My Chemical Romance)

Part 1

Everything was black. There was a slow steady beep, which for some reason scared Ryan. The beep continued its rhythm, and with every passing beep, Ryan’s panic grows. The beeps were getting faster. Ryan’s breathing was picking up, too. He was screaming.

He was being shaken.

Ryan’s eyes opened. It was very bright. He blinked several times then looked around. He saw Brendon standing next to him.

“Brendon! Where am I? Where are we? What’s going on?” Brendon looked scared. His eyes were wide and his breathing shallow. “Ryan. Are you okay? You were screaming, why were you screaming?”

“I-I was scared.”

“What were you scared of, honey?”

“The beeping.”

“Honey, you’re in the hospital. Do you remember anything about tonight?” Brendon said carefully. Ryan closed his eyes.

“I hit my head.” He said slowly.

“I couldn’t see.” Brendon watched Ryan closely. Ryan’s face was expressionless.

“I got really sleepy.” He smiled.

“I called you. You came for me.”

“Is that all you remember?”

“No…” Ryan said nonchalantly. “I remember everything.” Ryan’s face had gone back to being expressionless.

“Ryan?”

“Brendon, did I kill my dad?” Brendon swallowed thickly. It was more then a little scary, the way Ryan was acting. He seemed… void of emotion, like. Hollow… numb.

“I don’t know Ryan. They won’t tell me.” A nurse came in then.

“Oh! You’re awake. How are you feeling? That’s quite a bump on the head.”

“I feel fine, I guess. I can’t really feel anything right now.”

“There are a lot of people that need to talk to you Mr. Ross. The doctors, the police…I’ll get the policeman first.” She left and came back shortly with a tall policeman.

“Mr. Ross, I’m Officer Andres. Are you feeling up to a few questions?” The tall man asked. Ryan studied him for a moment.

“Yes.” He said shortly.

“Can you tell me what happened between you and your father tonight?”

“I came home. He was drunk. Surprise, surprise.”

“Your father drinks a lot?” The officer asked.

“That could win the award for understatement of the year.” Ryan said bitterly.

“Okay, so you came home and your father was drunk, what happened next?”

“He asked me where I had been and he pushed me. I hit my head on the wall.”

“Then I saw him coming towards me.” Ryan looked up at Brendon.

“I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have gone back. I’m so sorry.” It was the first real emotion Ryan had shown since he woke up. Brendon put his hand on Ryan’s cheek.

“Its okay, Ryan. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“You saw him coming towards you, and?” The officer asked.

“I-I, umm, screamed. And I pushed him. I-I didn’t want him to hit me. And then, um, he fell. Hit the counter. I was dizzy, so I sat down. I called Brendon. He came and rescued me.”

“Had your dad ever hit you before?” Ryan was still looking at Brendon. He smiled sadly at the question.

“Oh, yes.”

“Can anyone confirm that?”

“I can.” Brendon said not taking his eyes off Ryan.

"And your name is?" The officer asked.

"Brendon Urie."

“Mr. Ross. One more question. Do you know how water got all over the kitchen floor?” Ryan turned his head sharply to look at the officer. There was a dull throb at the back of Ryan’s head. It came and went quickly, so Ryan ignored it, focusing instead on the officer.

“What?”

“There was water on the floor, in the kitchen. The medic said it looked like he’d slipped on it. Do you know how it got there?” Ryan closed his eyes.

~“I fixed the sink. It drains now.” He said slowly. Still watching the water run down the drain.
“Oh, really?” Ryan said. There had been nothing wrong with the sink. Before their fight the night before, Ryan had done the dishes and the sink had been draining fine. ~

“Mr. Ross?”

“Yes. I had done the dishes, the night before. It was draining fine. But he said he fixed it…”

“Mr. Ross, you’re not making much sense.” Officer Andres said. Brendon threw a glare in the direction of the officer. Let’s hit you on the head, have you wake up in the hospital. And then tell you that you may or may not have caused the death of your father, and see how much sense YOU make.Brendon thought to himself. His rant could have gone on, but Ryan started talking again. So he shrugged it off.

“Umm, when I first came home, he was standing at the sink. He told me that he’d fixed the sink; that it was draining now. But, I had just done the dishes, there was nothing wrong with the drain, it was working fine.” Ryan explained, and then asked, “Do you mean that if the water hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have fallen and hit his head?”

“That’s what it looks like. Well, your story seems to match the evidence. Thank you for your time and help, Mr. Ross. I wish you the best. Good day.” Ryan looked to Brendon. He opened his mouth to say something, but just then the nurse came back, this time fallowed by the doctor.

“Mr. Ross, I am Doctor Halden. I’m your fathers’ neurologist.” Ryan’s face went back to being expressionless.

“How is he?” Ryan asked blankly.

“He’s currently comatose. He- He suffered a direct trauma to the brain. His skull is fractured and there are severe contusions and hemorrhaging. This leads us to believe that the fracture is displaced…” Ryan closed his eyes.

“Doctor.” Ryan looked up at the soft-spoken doctor. “In English, please?” The doctor sighed.

“His brain is bruised and bleeding from the force of the impact. His skull is broken. We think that bits of bone are pushed into his brain as well, adding to the severe bleeding. We also think that something called contrecoup may have occurred. This basically is trauma to the brain on the opposite side of impact. It’s a kind of whiplash effect inside the skull. We can’t prove that it’s occurred. But, umm, the damage we can see is fatal. Right now he’s stable, on life support. But…”

“Please.” Ryan said. “Please, just stop. Don’t say another word.” Ryan looked to Brendon, their eyes meeting.

“What do you need, honey? Tell me and I’ll do it.” Brendon said quietly. Ryan sighed.

“Just hold me, like you did last night. Please.” Brendon sat next to Ryan and pulled him close. Ryan held tightly to Brendon, like he’d done just last night. He couldn’t believe so much had changed so fast.

“Mr. Ross, I know this is hard for you, but there are some things that need to be taken care…” The doctor said.

“Doctor Halden? When can I leave?” Ryan asked loudly, not opening his eyes or loosening his grip on Brendon, at all. He could hear the doctor and the nurse whispering.

“Doctor Mischa has said she’d like to examine you one more time before you’re released.”

“Well, can that be arranged for soon? I just want to get the fuck away from this place right now!” Ryan said impatiently. Brendon began rubbing small circles on Ryan’s back, to sooth him.

“I’ll see what I can do.” The nurse said leaving. Ryan buried his head in Brendon’s neck inhaling deeply the smell of him. He smelled like Chai and another subtle something Ryan couldn’t quiet name. Ryan slowly let his grip on Brendon relax, and then pulled away from him completely.

“Doctor Halden?”

“Yes, Mr.-“

“Ryan.” Ryan snapped.

“Yes, Ryan?”

“What would you suggest I do, in regards to my father?” Ryan said, staring hard at the itchy hospital blanket his legs were covered in.

“I would suggest, getting a lawyers advice. Then signing a DNR order, and removing him from life support.” Doctor Halden said slowly.

“Thank you, doctor.” Another doctor walked into the room.

“Hi. I’m Doctor Mischa. Do you prefer Ryan or Mr. Ross?” She asked kindly.

“OH! Thank God! I fucking love you right now! I’m so sick of being called ‘Mr. Ross’! Please, call me Ryan.” Brendon giggled next to Ryan and Doctor Mischa smiled widely at him.

“Ryan, I think we’ll have you out of here in no time!” She said laughing a little.

“Ryan,” Doctor Halden said pointedly with a slight smile, “Here’s my card. Contact me later and let me know what you’ve decided about your father. And if you want, I’ll be available to help you figure out anything you might need my help with.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Ryan said again, taking the offered card. Doctor Mischa followed Doctor Halden to the door and closed it after he’d left.

“Now, Ryan. Let’s see about getting you out of here.” She said, turning back to Ryan and Brendon.

Two and a half hours later, Brendon was helping Ryan into the passenger side of his car. Once they were on their way back to Brendon’s house, Ryan turned in his seat to face Brendon.

“Thank you, Brendon.” Ryan said, staring at his profile. Brendon glanced over at Ryan.

“For what, Ryan?”

“For everything. For being there for me tonight. For being there for me, all the times before tonight. For being so incredibly amazing, especially after everything I’ve put you through. And,” Ryan blushed a little. “for being the one I’ve fallen in love with.” Brendon interlaced his fingers with Ryan’s, and kissed the back of his hand.

“You don’t have to thank me for all that. It’s just what you do… when you’re in love with someone.” They pulled up to a stop light; Ryan leaned forward and cupped Brendon’s face in his hands. They stared into each others eyes. Ryan pressed his lips softly to Brendon’s. Brendon let his fingers curl into Ryan’s soft hair, and push Ryan’s lips harder against his own in a more passionate kiss. (Carefully so he wouldn’t hurt Ryan’s head.)

Ryan and Brendon sat for a few moments with their foreheads pressed together looking into each others eyes again, both subconsciously grateful that there was absolutely no traffic.

“I love you, Brendon. And, thank you.” Ryan said stubbornly.

Brendon smiled. “I love you too, Ryan. And you’re welcome.”

Because I Love You(1/2)

2007-03-03T05:52:36Z

Title:Because I Love You(1/2)
Author:fuckedupfangirl
Rating:Pg-13 mild violence, language
Pairing:Ryan/Brendon
POV:Third
Summary:The second step inside is where time splits. For all of the hundreds of those moments that were the same, there were as many different endings, all to the same first moment.
Disclaimer:FAKE!
Author Notes:Okay, first, this will be a two part story! I know the theme is a tad bit over used, but it was in my head so I wrote it. I hope you like it anyway. I tried to do something new and unique and make this my own.
Thank you to tryhonesty326for betaing! Couldn't have done it without you!
And this is dedicated to my sister Tracie(omgitstracie)for just being awesome. And Because I love her!

He was running as fast as he could. He had to get away. He couldn’t let himself be caught. He couldn’t go back there, he just couldn’t! He would die next time!

Ryan sat up quickly, his breath raged. His chest ached from the force of his panting and it was apparent he had been screaming by the sting in his throat. He was sticky with sweat and his cheeks were damp with tears. Ryan took a few deep, calming breaths. He would not be sleeping any more tonight.

“Ryan?”

Fuck! Ryan thought. “Yeah, Brendon?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Liar.” Brendon mumbled sleepily. “You want some company?”

“Bren, I said I was fine.”

Brendon scoffed. “And I asked if you wanted company.”

Ryan sighed.“Yeah, Bren, company would be nice.”

Brendon grabbed his pillow and slipped out of his bed and into Ryan’s with ease. Brendon lay back down next to Ryan, facing him.

“Wanna talk about it?” Brendon asked sleepily with his eyes shut. Even though they both knew they weren’t going to sleep anymore. Brendon liked to pretend.

“No.” Ryan said curtly.

“Liar.” Brendon called Ryan again.

“I really don’t, Bren.”

“Okay, Ryan.” They lay quietly facing each other for awhile. Brendon with his eyes still closed and Ryan staring ahead not seeing. With out realizing it Ryan started to cry. Fuck, Ross! You’re such a fucking girl! Ryan sniffed and Brendon opened his eyes at last. Brendon opened his arms to Ryan. Ryan moved closer and settled himself against Brendon’s chest. Brendon closed his arms protectively around Ryan and gently rubbed his back as Ryan cried.

“I-I hate that I’m so scared of him. I hate that I’m afraid to go home. I wish I could just stay here with you all the time and never be scared again.” Brendon continued to rub soothingly on Ryan’s back as he listened to him. Brendon couldn’t help but get angry. Ryan’s dad had a bad drinking problem. And sometimes he would hurt Ryan. Ryan had shown up at Brendon’s house with almost countless bloody noses or black eyes. He’d even had to be taken to the hospital a couple of times. Once for a twisted ankle and then another time for a broken arm. Ryan would stay with Brendon for a couple of days then he would go back, always promising Brendon that he wouldn’t show up like that again, that this time it would be better. But it never was and sooner or later there would be a knock on the door, and Ryan would limp in, or come in with his eye swollen shut. Maybe this time Brendon could convince Ryan to stay. Not to go back to that place that he feared so much.

“Ryan, you can stay here with me all the time. You don’t have to leave. Please stay with me Ryan. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.” Brendon said softly.

“Brendon, I-I want to, but he needs me. He needs me there. Who else will take care of him? I have to go back. Even if he does scare me.”

“But Ryan, I’m afraid for you! What if he seriously hurts you? Or he pushes you and you fall down the stairs and die, or something else just as awful? Every time you walk out my door and go back to him I’m afraid I’ll never see you again. And that thought haunts my every moment spent away from you. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. I-I love you, Ryan.” Both boys had tears streaming down their faces now.

“Brendon.” Ryan murmured and clung tighter to his chest, as if he loosened his grip they would be ripped apart. They held tightly to each other until sunrise. When Ryan finally loosened his grip he looked up into Brendon’s eyes.

“I love you too, Brendon.” Ryan snuggled close to Brendon again and they both sighed contentedly. Happy for the moment. Forgetting their cares and just basking in the simplicity of each others company and each others love.

The next day Ryan warily made his way home. When he walked in the front door he had the all too familiar feeling of déjà vu. He’d relived this same moment hundreds of times. A step into the front hall, the smell of liquor and sweat strong enough to make you gag, the TV on. Loud. So loud you can hear it clearly in any room of the small two story house. The second step inside is where time splits. For all of the hundreds of those moments that were the same, there were as many different endings, all to the same first moment. Ryan walked into the house quietly, peaking into every room for a sign of his dad. He finally found him in the kitchen. He was standing in front of the empty sink with the water running.

“I fixed the sink. It drains now.” He said slowly. Still watching the water run down the drain. It always creeped Ryan out that no matter how drunk his dad was, and no matter how quiet Ryan tried to be, his dad knew, if he was conscious, when Ryan came in the room.

“Oh, really?” Ryan said. There had been nothing wrong with the sink. Before their fight the night before, Ryan had done the dishes and the sink had been draining fine. But it was more wise to not point these things out. Later Ryan would look and fix what ever his father had done. There was probably a puddle forming under the sink as they stood there. But no matter. Suddenly, Ryan’s dad turned to face him.

“Where the fuck have you been?” He stepped up to Ryan and shoved him backwards. Ryan was thrown back into the wall. His head connecting with the wall hard. Hard enough to make a hole in the drywall. He stood gasping and blinking trying to see. When his head had hit the wall everything had gone black. After a moment, his vision began to return. He blinked a few more times and then focused on what was in front of him. His dad was coming towards him, his face contorted in unmasked anger.

“NO!” Ryan cried. He threw his hands out. He pushed his father back with as much strength as he could, which, adrenalin aided, was a lot. His dad stumbled over his own feet and fell backwards. His head hit the counter with a sickening CRACK! He sank to the floor limply, blood running down the cabinet and pooling on the floor around his head.

From a combination of hitting his head on the wall and the massive adrenalin rush he’d just had, Ryan started to get dizzy. He sat down slowly. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and started pushing buttons without looking. Even if he had looked he wouldn’t have been able to see. His vision was blurring, and he was getting sleepy. It was a good thing he could dial that number in his sleep. He put the phone to his ear, which exhausted him. His arms were feeling heavy, and his eyelids were starting to close.

“Hello?” A voice said. The voice seemed really far away.

“Brendon.” Ryan whispered into the phone. Ryan’s eyes closed and he slid sideways along the wall so he was laying on the floor. The phone fell out of his hand.

“Ryan? RYAN?! Hold on! I’m coming!”

Slash! At The Disco

2007-03-03T05:48:57Z

Title:Slash! At The Disco(standalone)
Author: fuckedupfangirl
Rating:PG
Pairing:Brendon/Ryan
POV:Third Person
Summary:Brendon finds some slash stories about him and Ryan.
Disclaimer:Faaaaaaaake!(oh and the disclaimer isn't mine either...)
Author Notes: I heard about Brendon finding the communities and this jumped to mind.:) This is the first time I've ever shared my writing publicly. So be brutal! No, just kidding. But really be honest tell me what you really think. I want to know where you think my writing can be improved. And this is dedicated to my sister Erin
(tryhonesty326). For being the one to support my writing, and always helping me to better it. And for being my beta!

~Slash! At The Disco~

Brendon giggled and sat down next to Ryan.

“Guess what I just found!” Brendon said giggling again. Ryan set his journal aside and looked up at Brendon. He smiled at his giggling friend.

“Your brain?” He teased lightly. Brendon giggled again.

“Nope! Better!” He said and Ryan laughed.

“I don’t know Bren, what did you find?”

“It’s called ‘Slash! At The Disco’! It’s a Live Journal community. And it’s got lots of stories were you, me, Spence and Jon are in relationships. Like, you know, in pairings!” Brendon started giggling again.

“Did you read any of the stories?” Ryan asked.

“No, I just found it and came out here to tell you.”

“You should read them. A lot of them are really good stories.” Ryan said.

“Oh, I will! I just wanted to… WAIT! You know about it?” Ryan laughed again.

“Yeah, I keep track of the stories I like.” Brendon just stared at Ryan.

“Why didn’t you tell me about it?” Brendon asked with a slight whine in his voice.

“Well, when I first found it you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up just for that. And I knew you’d find it eventually.” Ryan explained.

“You should have told me.” Brendon pouted.

“Bren, what difference does it make now? You know it’s there now, go read some of the stories! I wanna know which ones you like.” Ryan said. Brendon went back to the computer, still pouting and mumbling under his breath.

~Couple of hours later~

Brendon sat down next to Ryan again. He was staring straight ahead and his mouth was open slightly.

“Wow.” Ryan looked up at him and giggled.

“Is that all you have to say?” Brendon nodded, even though they both knew he was lying. Brendon never had nothing to say.

“So-you liked it?” Ryan asked still smiling up at Brendon.

“Yeah! Those chicks are really good writers! With great imaginations! And a lot of it is actually-" Brendon stopped abruptly and blushed, avoiding Ryan’s eyes.

“Oh! Come on, Bren! Tell me! Please?” Ryan begged grabbing Brendon’s arm. Brendon mumbled something Ryan couldn’t hear, turning steadily more red all the time.
“Bren, I can’t hear you. What did you say?”
Brendon looked up at Ryan and said determinedly,
“I said, ‘and a lot of it is actually really hot.’” Brendon’s face, if it was at all possible, got even more red then it had been. Brendon expected Ryan to be horrified, to pull his hands away from his arm like he’d been burnt. He expected anything, everything…except for what actually happened.

“I know! Aren’t they great?” Ryan said, a large grin on his face. Brendon just sat staring at Ryan, stunned.

“I actually have a confession to make.” Ryan said quietly.

“I-I’ve written a couple of those and posted them on there.” He said in a rush. It was Ryan’s turn to blush and he rose to the challenge beautifully, turning almost as red as Brendon had been only moments before. Brendon just continued to stare at Ryan, while Ryan did his best to avoid looking at Brendon’s face.

“You… You… You… Huh?” He finally stammered out at Ryan.

“You wrote slash stories about… about US? ...Were they, you know, the… the fluff ones? Or-or the other kind?” Ryan just turned even more red in response.

“You thought about us, like, together? You imagined us… doing those things? Ryan?” Brendon’s face went slowly from shocked to calm as he realized what was going on.

“Ryan?” He said again, in barely more then a whisper. Ryan looked up and met Brendon’s eyes, all traces of blushing gone.

“Well, what can I say? I guess I kind of have a crush on ya, kid?” Ryan said in a would-be teasing way, if the situation had not been so serious. Brendon took a breath and slid his eyes away from Ryan’s to a point over Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan studied Brendon’s face for a few moments, and then foolishly, or perhaps not so foolishly, let his gaze rest on Brendon’s lips. The lips Ryan had imagined doing all sorts of sinful things. Ryan wanted so much to kiss those lips, to taste those lips. Before he had time to think about it, Ryan impulsively leaned forward and, cupping Brendons face in his hands, gently pressed his lips to Brendons. Both boys’ eyes fluttered shut. They sat peacefully for a few moments with their warm, soft lips pressed tenderly together. Then the kiss ended, but nether of them pulled back. Their eyes opened and they sat staring at each other, their foreheads resting together. Tentatively Brendon placed a hand on one of Ryan’s hands and caressed his soft skin. Brendon leaned forward and kissed Ryan then pulled back again, out of Ryan’s hands this time.
He smiled widely at Ryan.

“Is that what you imagined our first kiss would be like?” Ryan smiled and blushed a little.

“No. That was better!” He said. Brendon grinned at Ryan.

“I hope all our firsts will be better then you imagined!” Ryan’s eyes lit up, and Brendon leaned in and kissed Ryan passionately.

The End.